French cars. Caminos. Diesel swaps. Hayabusa swaps. Tatras. Hayabusa-powered diesel Tatraminos reenacting C'était un Rendezvous. All of these wonderful tropes meta-blend together to make Jalopnik, well, Jalopnik. But what are you driving? Does your car measure up? How would you even know? Lucky for you, you have us! Using advanced hyper-phrenology and the Laws of Planetary Motion as laid down by Johannes Kepler, Tycho Brahe and Brahe's prognosticating pet dwarf Jepp we have
arbitrarily scientifically broken down the 10 key aspects that make a car radical. What the hell am I talking about? You ever taken a Cosmo sex quiz?
Identifying the ultimate Jalopnik ride is obviously quite difficult. Sure, one could say Citroen SM, but you could just as easily say Shelby Cobra Daytona Coupe. And what about a Pontiac Streamliner Deluxe Convertible? Surely that sucker's plenty Jalopnik enough. But how can you say one is more Jalopnik than the other? Like porno, the trained eye knows it when it sees it. The flipside of that coin is that it's easy to say which cars are less Jalopnik than others. I am going to posit that the single mostest anti-Jalopnik car is an automatic 4-banger Toyota Camry. May anyone who disagrees with me buy one.