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The grocery-getting Porsche Cayenne is one of Porsche's most popular models ever and, because of this, a heavy target for customization. Strange customization. Our look at the ten ugliest custom Porsche Cayennes below.
Despite being mean, fast creampuffs, these over-tuned SUVs suffer from bad paint jobs, questionable materials, unruly body kits or some mixture of all the above. Click "next" to see what the world of spicy tuned Cayennes has to offer.
10.) TECHART Cayenne
Country Of Origin: Switzerland
Theme: Cheshire Cat
What Makes It Awful: The body kit on this Cayenne makes the lumbering wagon look more like a DTM machine — albeit one with a giant, stupid grin and mascara.
9.) Edo Competition
Country Of Origin: Germany
Theme: School Bus
What Makes It Awful: We're not sure where the idea for combining a school bus with the Porsche Cayenne came from, but at least the underlying vehicle is quick enough to outrun the ugly.
8.) Status Design Porsche Cayenne
Country Of Origin: Russia
Theme: First Generation Cylon
What Makes It Awful: In addition to looking like some sort of scary cyber bug, the Russian company takes the already questionable Porsche Cayenne dimensions and adds two sets of scoops and a set if wings.
7.) RUF Dakara
Country Of Origin: Germany
Theme: Porsche 911
What Makes It Awful: Despite being a sales success, many Porschephiles feel the Cayenne is not truly a Porsche. For them, RUF has added the 993 911-style headlights to create a more Porsche-like look. It makes us think less of a Porsche and more of this dream we had involving us being mowed down by an angry dragonfly.
6.) BYD T6
Country Of Origin: China
Theme: Chinese Clone
What Makes It Awful: The Porsche Cayenne is popular around the world, but not everyone can afford one. Thus the BYD T6, a Chinese knockoff, is similar to the Porsche but offers only the power of a tiny 2.0-liter fourbanger.
5.) HAMANN Cyclone
Country Of Origin: Germany
Theme: Snakeskin
What Makes It Awful: As if the M5-type front end wasn't strange enough on the big SUV, when you get on the inside many of the surfaces have been refinished with snakeskin. Seriously. We want these monkey fighting snakes off this monday-to-friday Porsche!
4.) SpeedART Titan BTR 550
Country Of Origin: Germany
Theme: Autobahn Beefster
What Makes It Awful: All efforts Porsche took to create a svelte SUV are thrown out window and what's left is an SUV that looks beefier than a Jersey heifer.
3.) Mansory Chopster
Country Of Origin: Germany
Theme: Bentley On Acid
What Makes It Awful: Luxury car tuner Mansory turns to the Cayenne but doesn't bring with them the usual style and design enthusiasm. For this Porsche there's a 2.3-inch chopped roof, wide-as-William Perry body, and raw carbon fiber body panels offset with a wide orange stripe. It looks like a prop for an especially awful science fiction movie.
2.) The Tourayenne
Country Of Origin: Russia
Theme: Yellow Submarine
What Makes It Awful: We've yet to determine if this is a Porsche Cayenne or the similarly-platformed VW Touareg with some Porsche upgrades. Either way, it's a nightmare one-off with garish yellow paint and an escape hatch out back.
1.) DC Design Two-Door Cayenne
Country Of Origin: India
Theme: Hot Hatch
What Makes It Awful: From the strange creasing around the body to the missing set of doors, this three-door Porsche makes us feel much better about the five-door Cayenne.
Send an email to Matt Hardigree, the author of this post, at matt@jalopnik.com.
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
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