Hide the children. Darken the windows. Get out your all-black clothing. Jeremy Clarkson told a South African radio program that British motoring revue Top Gear will not return until 2013. We think this might be because of the London Olympics. Remember that this summer when you're watching Synchronized Swimming.

We can tell you that this is an illustration of a bound and gagged Jeremy Clarkson airbrushed onto the back of a Lada Priora. We just wish we knew who made this beautiful piece of art.

You've read about our bug-infested behind-the-scenes sneak peek, now it's time to experience the whole thing. Richard Hammond's Crash Course, the Hamster's solo tour of America and its biggest, baddest rides, is set to debut next month on BBC America.

There's obviously a strong affinity between Top Gear's millions of viewers and Jalopnik readers — some who have even stalked the hosts in our name. I recently had the pleasure of hanging out with Richard Hammond and asked him if he wanted to say anything to Jalopnik's readers.

British motoring show Top Gear is a popular stop on the U.K. interview circuit for two reasons: 1.) It's the most watched show... in the world; 2.) Entertainers get to measure up against their peers on a race track. In last night's episode, Ryan Reynolds takes on Tom Cruise's time. It's charming.

Is your torrent of the first episode of Top Gear Season 18 not yet done? Then click through for our open thread on the episode that sees Jeremy, Richard and James travel to Italy for a Supercar Shootout in the Lamborghini Aventador, the McLaren MP4-12C and the Noble M600. Also, Will.i.am gets behind the wheel of the…

The eighteenth season of Top Gear kicks off Sunday, and on top of the promo trailer the Beeb has posted a few behind-the-scenes photos from the set of the most popular car show... in the world.

Is your torrent of the Top Gear India episode not yet done? Then join our open thread and argue about how a trio of aging Brit cars might or mightn't promote trade between Britain and the former colony, and future superpower, and how the episode compares with special episodes' past.

Are you a government employee on strike? Like Top Gear? Here's what Jeremy Clarkson thinks of you: "I'd have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families." Clarkson made the characteristically over-the-top remark on The One Show, a daily, magazine-type program on BBC One.

A tattoo is a deeply personal act of bodily adornment; asking why a person chooses something is not always a reasonable question. Still, and despite our rabid love for "Captain Slow," we cannot understand why someone would want a portrait of Top Gear's James May on his thigh for the rest of his life.

According to a former Top Gear employee the video you see here could have replaced the current credits if Jeremy Clarkson hadn't put a stop to it.

Some say The Allman Brothers live under his helmet, where they'll rouse you from slumber by playing "Jessica," and that he projects the time on the wall using spheres of hot gas from Alpha Centauri. All we know is it's The goddamn Stig Projector Alarm Clock.

Nissan took a swipe at the hit BBC motoring show Top Gear over Jeremy Clarkson and James May having the same problem with electric cars we have — where do you charge? Now Top Gear's hitting back.

It turns out The Stig doesn't like it when you tell him halfway through a hot lap of Top Gear's UK test track, "I think Schumi was faster through here." How do I know? Because I told him just that. The result? He tried to scare me to death. Watch and see for yourself.

As part of the tie-up between Microsoft's Turn 10 Studios and the BBC's smash-hit motoring show, Top Gear, Forza Motorsports 4 will include a number of single-player and multiplayer modes ripped right from the TV show. Yes, it will include "Car Soccer."

Is your torrent of Top Gear Season 17, Episode 4 not yet done? Then click through for our open thread on the episode that sees Jeremy review the Jaguar XKR-S under the — yet again — hammering beats of Daft Punk's Tron: Legacy soundtrack, James and Richard build a train with an Audi, and Rowan Atkinson shows why he…

Andy Wilman, the executive producer of Top Gear, provides 16 great quotes on the BBC's long-running motoring series, including how nobody "realizes how much work goes into making these three look like f—-wits." (Hat tip to Jonathan!

Is your torrent of Top Gear Season 17, Episode 3 not yet done? Then click through for our open thread on the episode that sees Jeremy review the McLaren MP4-12C under the hammering beats of Daft Punk's Tron: Legacy soundtrack, and James May gets the Range Rover Evoque stuck in Death Valley. Also, yes, some guy named…

Yesterday we asked you to help us come up with the best episode to bring a member of the uninitiated, unwashed and unknowing masses into the cult behind UK motoring show Top Gear. Here's your ten best choices.

Is your torrent of the first episode of the 17th season of Top Gear not yet done? Then click through for our open thread to see Richard Hammond buy a cup of coffee with a Marauder fighting vehicle, James May slip on some snow, and a picture of Steve McQueen. No, not this one.