Everyone these days, from Tesla to Cadillac to Nissan to BMW to Infiniti, has some kind of semiautonomous system that controls the throttle and steers for you on highways. Most of them are exercises in sheer terror. But even if they were good—especially if they were good—they shouldn’t exist anyway.

There is are extremely few circumstances when you should pull the emergency brake on a train. Like, almost zero. We should get rid of it entirely, and replace it with this thing. An emergency handle just to let the train driver know something’s up.

Good morning! Welcome to The Morning Shift, your roundup of the auto news you crave, all in one place every weekday morning. Here are the important stories you need to know.

When I wrote my Bumper Stickers Suck take back in February, the only dissenting voice in the office came from Jalopnik superboss Patrick George. Unfortunately, Patrick wasn’t there the day that we were to argue about them, so I thought I was in the clear... until Night Man Justin Westbrook spoke up.

Making a car is expensive, and nobody would want go through the process of building an entire working automobile if they’re not thinking of putting it on sale. And yet here is (or isn’t) the Prodrive P2, an all-wheel drive monster that never even was meant to be bought.

Update: Older Audis are still cool!

Land Rover has a reputation for being one of the most unreliable brands on the market. And yet, people still drive them like they’re going out of style. Today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Freelander is a Land Rover that has actually gone out of style, but will its price have you bringing it back?

Today we’re going to learn about the three different stages of “oh, shit” from the new owner of a BMW Z4 and his passenger-friend recording him drive it straight into a wall.

It’s hard to put the success of the Mazda Miata into perspective, a unbelievably huge hit from a rather small company. How small? Small enough that Mazda didn’t have enough money to to put out the Miata and a minivan at the same time, and it chose the minivan first.

The impending second coming of the BMW 8 Series grand touring car will be lead by the (presumed 2019) BMW M850i xDrive Coupe, which the company says will feature four-wheel drive, a locking rear differential (what is this, a dang truck?) and 530 horsepower.

Ford announced that it’s killing off basically all of its cars in favor of crossovers and SUVs. No more cars, because large numbers of people won’t buy them. Only fat crossovers. Only ponderous SUVs. Because that’s all they want. But they are morons. I stand in objection to this, and so should you.

You could literally see the fall of Mitsubishi coming for like 25 years.

My colleagues, as well as much of the car enthusiast community, are dealing with a collective freakout upon learning Ford will be killing off all its sedans and hatchbacks and keeping one real car, the Mustang, in North America. Ford is doomed, they say. But I don’t share that perspective—no one wanted to buy those…