He owns a $400,000 Lamborghini Aventador with the license plate "WINNING." He calls his girlfriend "Concubine." He loves strippers. He lives in Long Island. He is a divorce attorney. He knows Ice-T.
His name is Bryan Salamone and he is the most stereotypical Lamborghini owner in the world.
Call me a hater because I don't have the money Salamone has — and probably never will. But after perusing the Facebook page (NSFW) for his Bullrun team I'm not sure I ever want to make that much money.
The following is a list of things that Salamone does that makes him everything you'd expect from the owner of multiple exotic cars, including a Lotus Elise, Bentley Continental GT, Lamborghini Gallardo, and a Lamborghini Aventador.
- He is a divorce attorney from Long Island, which while not being prima facie wrong — lasts just as long as the point in which you realize the kind of divorce attorney he is. Here's his website, where he doles out advice on how to deal with pesky spouses who claim you abuse them. Just watch the video.
- He calls his girlfriend (possibly wife) "Concubine" and, from the photos, appears to treat her as someone "who lives with a man but has lower status this his wife or wives." A great notion for a divorce attorney. Photos show her, mostly undressed, with other women who at least dress like strippers. These other women hold signs like "I Heart 2 Swallow" and "I Heart Anal."
- He takes really degrading pictures of her, including 69-ing in a parking lot. They aren't merely degrading to women, but actually, all human beings in general.
- He "races" in the Bullrun, which is a rally-type event for impressively wealthy people who race to see who can spend the most money while attempting to flaunt their wealth. Generally, many are the 1% the other 1% want to stay away from.
- His racing team is "Team Salamone" and their logo is a stick figure with a massive penis getting head from a woman.
- His license plate is "Winning," which is probably a reference to Charlie Sheen. So, we assume, at some point, he looked up to Charlie Sheen. It could also be ironic, but that seems doubtful.
- Mostly because he has actually met Charlie Sheen.
- He hangs out with Ice-T, which is maybe the only redeeming thing about him. We like Ice-T.
- He has lot of shitty Lamborghini official merchandise he apparently wears all the time. Likely while driving.
He is the ultimate embodiment of every horrible sterotype you think about someone when he dusts your Honda Civic in a brand new Lamborghini. He is the tacky horny antithesis of a tasteful uber-wealthy exotic car owner like James Glickenhaus, who has even nicer cars but doesn't live his life like he's trying to prove to his father that he isn't secretly gay.
Not that there'd be anything wrong with that.
UPDATE: Team Salamone appears to have made the photos private, so many of the links may not work. Trust us, you're not missing anything you want to see.