The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

The "Washington DC" 24 Hours of LeMons race (held at Summit Point Motorsports Park in West Virginia) took place a couple of weeks back, and it was one of the all-time best!

First of all, a huge German luxury car took the overall win, then a Subaru-engined East German car won the Index of Effluency, we had our first-ever supercharged GM 3800 and the first-ever BMW V12-powered Ford Thunderbird... and after that we enjoyed a machine-gun-versus-Chrysler-Sebring Second Amendment Extravaganza. Gotta love West Virginia's lax full-automatic-weapons policies (and the cheapness of used Sebrings).

Next weekend, get ready for the B.F.E. Grand Prix in Colorado; I was AWOL at the last couple races— something about getting married— but the LeMons Supreme Court will be in full arbitrary-justice effect at High Plains Raceway.


Not enough LeMons action for you? Check out the top lemons of past races: Altamont '07Arse Freeze '07Altamont '08Ohio '08New England '08South '08Texas '08Arse Freeze '08Texas Spring '09South Spring '09Reno '09New Orleans '09New England '09Buttonwillow '09South Fall '09Ohio '09Texas Fall '09Arse Freeze '09Phoenix '10South Winter '10Texas Winter '10Sears Point '10Detroit '10New Orleans '10Goin' For Broken '10South Spring '10Dallas Summer '10
Photographs by Nick Pon, Team Big Red, and FinalGear.
Disclosure: Murilee Martin gets crazy baksheesh for his work on the 24 Hours of LeMons Supreme Court

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

1. Sgt Schultz Zwei, Mercedes-Benz S500
Winner on laps

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

2. Duct Tape Motorsports, BMW 318iS
Winner, Class Good

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

3. Tiger's First PGA (Probably Gettin' Arse) Racing, Mercury Cougar XR7
Winner, Class Bad
Winner, Least Horrible Yank Tank

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

4. Team Paisley, Subaru Impreza

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

5. Mod Squad Racing, Toyota MR2

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

6. Team Pro-Crash-Duh-Nation, Alfa Romeo Milano

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

7. Near-Orbital Space Monkeys, BMW 528e

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

8. The Volvo ElCowMino, Volvo 240
Winner, Grassroots Motorsports Most From The Least award

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

9. Government Motors Racing, Mazda 626

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

10. Deconstruction, BMW 318

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

11. Dai Mondai II, Toyota Corolla

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

12. Booby Prize Racing, Nissan 200SX

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

13. FASTish & The FURRiest, Volvo 240

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

14. Keystone Kops, Volvo 240

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

15. The B Team, Ford Escort LX

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

16. Nemesis Ridiculi, Nissan 240SX

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

17. Track Pillagerz!, Buick Le Sabre

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

18. Cow Patch Kidz, Audi 80

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

19. World Class Motorsports Livers, Geo Storm

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

20. The Bridesmaids, BMW 535i
Winner, Big Tool award

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

21. Ricky Bobby/Laughing Clown Malt Liquor, Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

22. Greenhouse Gassholes, BMW 325e

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

23. Rusty Bolt Racing, Porsche 944

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

24. Track Daze of Thunder, Volkswagen GTI

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

25. Fissure Brothers Racing, Toyota Celica

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

26. No Whammies, Honda CRX

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

27. Ghetto Motorsports, Eastern Chapter, Chevrolet Malibu

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

28. Team Cardorks, Acura Integra

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

29. Shallow Pockets Racing, Volkswagen Golf

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

30. Team Margaritaville, BMW 325

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

31. Schumacher Taxi Service - Revenge of the CoROLLa, Toyota Corolla FX-16

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

32. Big Red, Geo Metro Convertible
Winner, Class Ugly

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

33. Elmo's Revenge, Saturn SL2

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

34. Gasholes, Ford Mustang

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

35. Obamacare, BMW 325iS

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

36. MTV's Jersey Shore Racing Team, Dodge Daytona ES

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

37. Sinical Racing, BMW 325i

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

38. Team 44 Cup, Porsche 944

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

39. FML Motorsports, Ford Mustang

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

40. Overengineer'd Racing, BMW 325i

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

41. Morrows Auto & Woodstock's NAStiCAR Quest For the Holy Nickelbag, Pontiac Grand Prix
Winner, Best Carbureted

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

42. DIRTy e-Thirties, BMW 325e

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

43. Final Gear: Bootleggin' It, Pontiac Grand Prix

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

44. Days Of Plunder, Saturn SC2

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

45. Metro-Dade Vice Squad, Mazda RX-7

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

46. We Are Fubar, Pontiac Grand Prix

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

47. The Nerd Herd, Infiniti J30

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

48. Please Start! Racing, Plymouth Acclaim

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

49. Nutjob Racing, Honda Civic Wagovan

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

50. Huntin' Tewwowist Wabbits, Mitsubishi Eclipse

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

51. Maryland Scratchers, BMW 535i

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

52. Team Chickin Lickin, BMW 325

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

53. BuckSnort Racing, BMW E30

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

54. Funky Kong, Fiat X1/9

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

55. Misfit Toys Racing, Wartburg 311
Winner, Index of Effluency award

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

56. Dorks of Hazard, Dodge Charger

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

57. Mannschaft Panzers, Audi 4000 Quattro

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

58. Dai Mondai I, Toyota MR2

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

59. GoGodyne Racing, Nissan 300ZX

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

60. DOS Boot Racing, Volkswagen GTI

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

61. The Meat Wagon, Honda Civic

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

62. Team Police Brutality, Lincoln Mark VIII
Quickest lap time of race (1:55.113)

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

63. Team Cosworthless, Ford Escort

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

64. Schumacher Taxi Service: GI Slow, Toyota MR2

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

65. Scuderia Fluffball, Fiat 128
Winner, Organizer's Choice award

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

66. The Lemon Juicers, Ford Mustang LX

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

67. Team Self-Tapping Screws, Chevrolet Camaro

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

68. Top Fool Elemonator, Subaru Impreza

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

69. DeCuzzi Racing Tele tubby formerly Speed Racer Style, Pontiac Fiero

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

70. Morrows Auto & Snoopy's Quest For the Holy Nickelbag, GMC 1-ton Van

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

71. Trophy Wife Racing, Toyota MR2

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

72. Oil Pains, Pontiac Grand Am

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

73. ReVolvolution Racing, Volvo 850 Wagon

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

74. Adopted By Jets, Saab 99

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

75. Team Nein24, Porsche 924
Winner, Judges' Choice award

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

76. BoneYard Racing, Dodge Neon

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

77. The E-Lemon-ators, Mercury Cougar
Winner, Heroic Fix Award

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

78. Pimpalicious, Cadillac Seville SLS

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

79. Baghdad Taxi, Honda CRX

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

80. Scuderia Limoni, Alfa Romeo Milano Verde

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

81. Champions On Fire, Nissan 240SX

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

82. Stugots Racing, Ford Thunderbird

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

83. F.A.C.E. Racing, Pontiac Fiero

The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMonsS

84. Team Police Brutality - Beating Up Breast Cancer, Ford Thunderbird