Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!  

A 2011 University of Arizona study found that 71% of gas pump handles contain germs closely associated with illness. Blech! Today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe VW Passat is a TDI and has an incredible range that’ll allow you germaphobes to pass lots of pumps. That is of course, if its price doesn’t make you sick.

I’m glad we finally answered the question of what yesterday’s fake shake 1991 Bentley Continental R was really made out of - spoiler; the answer is dog crap. Phew, that question had been annoyingly vexing and so it was a relief to figure it out and that it also was was a massive 97% Crack Pipe loser. Sorry faux Bentley wannabe seller, but it looks like you’re just going to have to keep faking it until you make it.

I want to make up for yesterday’s car a bit and so today - to wrap up the week - we have a midsize turbo diesel wagon with a manual transmission. And, it’s in pretty nice shape too. No, it’s not brown, nor is it RWD - geez you people are picky - but let’s try and work with what we’ve got, m’kay?


VW’s Passat has been the brand’s most schizophrenic product over the course of its more than four-decades and eight generations of existence. I mean, the company just can’t seem to decide which way the engine should go in the car.

The first Passat went north-south and that was because of the Audi 80. That very first Passat shared everything below the equator with the foxy Audi model and that included hanging the engine out front like Dirk Diggler’s dangling dinkus.

The next one was also closely related to Audi’s mid-sizer and carried the same orientation. The following model however went its own way, and being based off of the smaller Golf turned its engine east-west in apparent solidarity with the merging of the two formerly split Germanys.


Some unions weren’t meant to last, and by the mid-nineties the Passat and Audi were back together, and once again the VW pivoted to a north-south engine position, geopolitics be damned. That union didn’t last forever though, and since the middle of the last decade the Passat has gone its own way once again, its engines - you guessed it - east-west.

This 1996 Passat wagon comes from one of the times that the marque and Audi were on a break, and hence its engine sits sideways under the hood. That engine is a 1Z TDI (Turbo Direct Injection) diesel four, a 1.9-litre oil burner good for 89-bhp and 155 lb ft of torque.


The ad notes that the engine has seen a fairly recent replacement of the timing belt and harmonic balancer, as well as the addition of larger injectors and a performance chip. The seller claims that these latter two additions give it more ‘git-up & go’ without affecting efficiency. That’s an amazing achievement if you ask me, which you didn’t.

Riding shotgun with the TDI is a five-speed stick imbued with ratios intended for high mileage rather than chirping tires and making Audis jealous. Add to that a freaking 25-gallon fuel tank and this Passat should give you over 1,000 miles per fill-up.


Considering that diesel is now typically cheaper than regular in most places and it seems like this might be that middle finger to the oil companies your leftist friends have all been seeking. Too bad their business selling earwax at the commune cooperative isn’t more lucrative.

This Passat is also seemingly an excellent example of one of the best looking wagons Volkswagen has ever put out. Seriously, what the hell ever happened to boxy cars? The white over grey color scheme may be a bit on the demur side, but who needs to be shouty, right? Paint is described as being in good condition, and there is no rust anywhere, nor any accidents in its history.

The seller says that along with the car and seven spoke alloys, you get with the purchase a set of stud-less snow tires (no Magic Mike for you!) and extra rims too. Those have about 70% tread left according to the ad, which also notes total miles as 192,331. That works out to about 160 fill-ups over the course of the car’s entire life.


You could add this diesel Passat to your life for $7,500, and it’s now time to decide if that’s a worthwhile addition to the driveway and subtraction to the wallet. What do you think about that price for this fuel pump-shunning Passat? Does that seem like a good deal? Or, is that price too high for even a TDI?

You decide!


Portland OR Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to WindAdvisory for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Click here to send a me a fixed-price tip, and remember to include your Kinja handle.