I’m a gun owner, and I use it for target shooting and I sometimes take it into the mountains for large animal protection if I’m alone (I also carry bear spray as a first line of defense). I’m also a very even keeled person, not prone to emotional outbursts. But even I know that carrying a weapon daily only makes this… Read more

He hates to see you go, but loves to watch you leave. Read more

Comedy Gold
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Hey, as the owner of a schnauzer, their trot can be pretty brisk. In fairness, however, a schnauzer is almost always at a nap. Read more

Thanks Torch. You made me think of this poor guy. I think it was my favorite movie as a kid. We recorded it one night on vhs, commercials and all, during like a Saturday night movie special on network tv. My brother and I watched it so much we could re-enact the whole thing (I know, you’re right. I am so proud). What…

I love this. Read more

1800s sci-fi was both incredibly advanced and incredibly stupid. While 20,000 leagues had fancy ideas like radar, Journey to the Center of the Earth had dumb shit like being ejected from a live volcano. Read more

Now, that was a great article. Amazing to think people did travel 500 miles in those things. Read more

THIS! THIS! is the journalism I come to Jalopnik for every day all day! Thanks for the laugh! I love this! Keep up the great work. Read more

I have 3 of those Lego cars, and will be adding anus’ to all. It seems like the new Lego equivalent to truck nuts, but with the perfect hint of Torch.  Read more

Of course this was the first article I read today. Never change, torch. Never change. Read more

Damn Torch.....you had a productive holiday break didn’t you?  What did we do to deserve so much Torch awesomeness to start the year?! Read more

You joke, but my 2011 9-5's parallel park assist will absolutely curb the car’s wheels if I let it. Read more

Thank you Torch for this wonderful trivia that I can annoy my spouse and kids with.  Read more

This is beautiful and it has brightened my Subarunukkah. Read more

Torch, Read more

Sir, you are clearly still imposter Torch, as the real person has children of appropriate age and would know that Chuck E. Cheese makes frequent appearances in the restaurant. Read more

Interesting side story: Escalators have a kill switch in the form of a bright red button, usually one at each end near the floor. Read more

Don’t kink shame. If Jason was to get freaky with an escalator, well, I’m sure it’ll be good for a lot of clicks.  Read more

State Trooper: “What seems to be the problem?” Read more