Japanese softcore porn with occasional racing, simulators giving you the opportunity the drive the slowest vehicles on the planet, or a T-Rex trying to stop your nitro-powered Holden? These are the weirdest car video games Jalopnik readers know.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day - our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
We can't play with Forza's Jalopnik Pack all the time, and Interstate '76 is tricky to run on modern systems, not to mention Carmageddon. What can you do?
Photo Credit: JefMajor/Enviro-Bear 2000
10.) Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing
Not even trying to look real. Still, you're the king of the road.
Suggested By: waveridin1959
9.) Street Cleaning Simulator
Yes, this game is real. It comes from Excalibur Publishing, the simulation specialists who brought you such noted titles as "Garbage Truck Simulator" "Farming Simulator" and "Underground Mining Simulator." The real challenge with this street cleaning sim is not making your city cleaner, but actually turning this game into something fun. It's possible.
Suggested By: My X-type is too a real Jaguar
8.) City Connection
DMala explains what's going on in this large-scale painting simulator, or something:
Old school arcade and NES. You drive a little hatchback with the goal of "painting" all of the platforms in the level. You have to avoid police cars/taxis that appear in the level, but you can shoot them with oil cans and knock them off the screen for points. You also have to avoid a cat that will randomly appear right in front of you, and will go sailing off the screen and cost you a life if you hit it. Very weird and very Japanese, but kinda fun.
7.) Farming Simulator
Image farming with dubstep. You are ready.
Suggested By: tomtom615
6.) HSV Adventure Racing
This was a fairly good Australian racing game, only it also featured a T-Rex for no apparent reason. Awesome. America got Beetle Adventure Racing, which replaced Holdens with Beetles but nothing else. Even the engine sounds were the same.
Suggested By: Ravey Mayvey Slurpee Surprise
5.) Tomy Racing Turbo
This was a 1980s driving simulator for children consisting of a car that moved from side to side and a looping background that you could not actually interact with in any way. No crashing, no nothing. This is not software, but let's be fair: it's still more fun than LSD.
Suggested By: Livermoron
4.) Pyongyang Racer
North Korea's first racing game Pyongyang Racer is a perfect encapsulation of North Korean order. All you do is drive around a city following direct instructions on which way to go, and you get yelled at if you stare at the traffic lady for too long.
Suggested By: Mason-Dixon
3.) Desert Bus
Too be fair, it's only a small inner-game of SEGA's unreleased "Penn and Teller's Smoke and Mirrors", but that doesn't keep it from being absolutely stupid. All you do is drive from Tuscon, Arizona to Las Vegas in real time. Yep, real time. It may be the most intentionally, aggressively boring game ever created.
2.) Moero Downhill Night Blaze
Drifting, ladies and lots of confusion. Naturally, it comes from Japan, and as our friends at Kotaku put it: "it's a game that fails at being both an adult visual novel and a racing game."
Suggested By: Gamecat235
1.) Enviro-Bear 2000 - Operation: Hibernation
You drive around collecting fish before you go to sleep for the winter. All you really need to know is that it was billed as "the most realistic bear driving simulator ever created".
Suggested By: Brent Laverty