It was Burger King that used to say you could have it your way, when in fact it’s today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe Merc that really fits that bill. That is, as long as it doesn’t come with too big a bill of sale. UPDATE: There’s reason to believe this one may be a scam.

Nobody likes a close call. Consider—that car that almost hit you, that girlfriend or boyfriend that nearly finished the last of the hash brownies you were saving for after work, or perhaps most butt-clenchingly, the 51/49 vote on yesterday’s 1991 Mercury Capri XR2—those were all way too close.

Still, that Merc came out on top, albeit narrowly. But just like in horseshoes and hand grenades, close still counts here. Now let’s have a look at a Mercury that most of you will likely agree, is a far better representative of the dead marque in its after life.

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I say have a look because the ad for this 2003 Mercury Marauder, while full of pictures, is light on the details. And by light I mean completely bereft. It is all in caps so you know the FAMILY ORIENTED BUSINESS offering it is serious when they say FINANCING AVAILABLE!!!! See that, not only is it all-caps, the shoutiest of caps, but there are not one, not two, not even three, but four exclamation points. That’s an excess of pointed exclamation.

What are they so excited about? Well, perhaps the fact that this Marauder has been modded to rock a twin turbo V8 and a six-speed manual transmission to transmit whatever ponies that double live gonzo engine produces.

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How much would that be? Use your imagination, because the ad doesn’t say. It does however promise that they will make YOUR PURCHASE EFFORTLESS AS POSSIBLE, so you’ve got that going for you. One piece of pertinent info offered is that the car has but 85K on the clock. That’s a good thing.

I’ve found a number of other Marauders in my research that have gone the six-speed route, but all of those have been supercharged, not turbo’d. You’d think something this unique would show up pretty reliably on the Internets and sure enough, it apparently has been for sale a few times in the past. TTAC had a blurb about it back in December of last year when it was up on the eBay, apparently for $16,000 and with the same witness protection program advertising.

This ad uses the same pics as the older one, and of course why wouldn’t it? What we can tell from those pics is that the work done to the car looks professional, and that the car overall appears to be in terrific shape. Aside from popping the hood or paying special attention to the console, you might also not even know what performance evils lurk in this car.

One non-performance evil that exists here is in the driver’s side footwell and that’s an abundance of pedals. It looks like the conversion to clutch did not involve the changing out of the autobox brake pedal, which is phat, and there’s a foot-operated parking brake down there too. Good luck driving this thing if your chosen advocation is circus clown.

For the rest of us, skinny shoes will probably do. The price—something the ad actually does communicate—is $14,900, and that comes with AS LOW AS $500 DOWN.

What’s your take on this mysterious Mercury and its $14,900 price tag? Does it seem intriguing enough to warrant giving that asking a second look? Or, is this Marauder just too damn expensive, despite the obviously desirable mods?

You decide!

Philadelphia Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

Update: As a few of you folks pointed out, users at the MercuryMarauder.net forum think this one is a little fishy. The ad has popped up in several major cities across the country. Proceed with extreme caution.

H/T to Drdanteiii and The_DoctoR53 for the hookup!

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