Warren James Buchanan hates when people fondle his truck. He hates it so much that, according to police, he killed a man last week over it.

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On January 5th, 67 year-old German Heredia was strolling down the street with his granddaughters and their dogs, the Brevard County Sheriff’s office told Orlando Sentinel. That’s when Buchanan, out of nowhere, walked up behind a fence and accused Heredia of touching his truck.

(There is no information as to what sort of truck it was, but let’s wildly speculate and say it was a 1997 Dodge Ram in purple with green flames on the sides and enormous exhaust stacks for “ROLLIN’ COAL BRO.” None of that is based on fact, but let’s be real here.)

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Next thing you know, Buchanan reportedly punches Heredia in the face, sending him to the ground. As he fell, Heredia’s head was thrown hard against the driveway, knocking him unconscious. He later died in the hospital, the newspaper reported.

Buchanan is being charged with manslaughter and sits in jail on $50,000 bond. He awaits trial on March 3rd.

Of course this happened in Florida. Why are we not surprised.

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Let’s be honest: we all have friends who are overly obsessed about their cars. They’d never let anyone else drive even in the most dire situation, they ask you to wipe your shoes before getting in, and they park at the very back of the parking lot to keep at least two spots between them and the next vehicle.

I don’t know if this Buchanan character was one of these folks or if he was just hopped up on the drugs. But who knows, maybe he had a mint 1978 Dodge Lil’ Red Express that he just finished waxing. I wouldn’t want anyone touching that thing either. Would I kill someone over it? No. But then again, I’m not a Floridian.

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Photo: Brevard Sheriff Dept.