Marketing lingo in the car world is absurd. Jalopnik readers know ten instances where even the simple act of naming an option on a car got out of hand.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
Before we go into the worst of the worst, we just want to say that sometimes carmakers get car option names right. GM, for instance, named a van the Looney Tunes edition. In 1977 Fiat offered an "Eager Beaver" package. In 1967 and '68 you could get an Imperial Mobile Director Coupe.
Best of all was the IQECAG, or "Incredible Quivering Exposed Cold Air Grabber."
See carmakers? You can get this right. Stop screwing up.
Oh, and if there are any horribly obnoxious car option names we forgot, let us know in Kinja below.
Photo Credit: Nissan
10.) Gentleman Function
We thought that this item deep in the BMW 7 series' sub-menus would cause a top hat and monocle to dispense out of the dash, but it actually gives the driver the controls to adjust the passenger seat.
9.) Emotion Control Unit
We like you, Aston Martin, but when you started calling your keys ‘ECUs' you lost us. It's just a key.
Suggested By: wisc47, Photo Credit: Aston Martin
8.) TRD Action Package
The bodykit for the last-gen Celica was called the ‘Action' package, which is unfortunate since it was offered by Toyota Racing Development (TRD).
Suggested By: FFP-KeepingitReal, Photo Credit: Toyota
7.) La Femme
For 1956 and 1957, Dodge offered a car tailored to women. It had two-tone pink paint, and some accessories like raingear and a makeup compact. They called it "the La Femme," because sexism.
Suggested By: bobbycrumpley, Photo Credit: Dodge
6.) Heat, Detonator, and Shock
Dodge proved that they still have the knack for naming things when they optioned up the Dodge Nitro. Their three trim levels appear to describe horrifying bowel movements.
Suggested By: Cavey, Photo Credit: Dodge
Lincoln offered a number of ‘designer' trim levels on its cars, but the most egregious was "Cartier," which didn't even have a special clock.
Suggested By: Brian, The Life of, Photo Credit: Lincoln
It was the ‘90s, so Chevy named the trim for the sporty version of their S-10 pickup XTREME. Indoor kayaking assholes approve.
Want the inside of your Nissan GT-R to look like a Victorian whorehouse? Go to Japan and pick up a pink-leather-trimmed Egoist edition.
2.) Eddie Bauer
Ugh. Nobody even knows what an "Eddie Bauer" is anymore, they just think of scourges of green Ford SUVs slowly trundling along the left lane, or flipped over in a ditch.
There is never anything "limited" about "limited" trim, as reader MontegoMan562 preaches.
There is never anything LIMITED about the production run, in fact it's the opposite of limited because it normally has the most options on it. Ford uses the hell out of it, Jeep has used it, I believe Buick used it, and I'm sure countless other companies. I've been complaining about this for years and hopefully you all agree. There is never anything LIMITED about a car or truck that says LIMITED on it.
Suggested By: MontegoMan562, Photo Credit: Ford