For $5,500, Always Know Your Door Count

If you've ever played Portals 1 and 2 you'll know the benefit of having a door at just the right spot. Today'sNice Price or Crack Pipe Maserati gives you not one, not two, but four handy portals, but does its price take the cake?

Oh Florida, you so crazy these days. First you cock block Newt Gingrich, and then you foist a blown SBC 928 on us like its a giant yellow candy corn. We know what you're doing, and we're not fooled. Your mistake was not making the first one free, and that meant yesterday's vote went nearly 72% Crack Pipe for that Porschevrolet's thirteen large pricetag. Sorry Florida.

You probably can't get any farther away from Florida, and still be in the continental United States, than Seattle Washington, and that's where we're a-goin' today. Seattle, because that's were currently resides this 1984 Maserati Quattroporte III. Ferrari has vowed never to build a sedan, and in fact have even deemed hatchbacks to be beneath its dignity. Lamborghini as well has limited the number of doors their cars carry, perhaps making up for that by having those of some models scissor like a pair of lustful lesbians. If your bent is for an exotic Italian executive sedan, then your choices are limited to perhaps Lancia's old Thema 8.32, or a Maserati Quattroporte.

For $5,500, Always Know Your Door Count

This car represents the third generation of Maser saloon - the first being a Frua-penned car sharing much with the 5000, and the second being a Citroen SM-based front driver the body of which came from Bertone. This gen is probably the one that most likely comes to mind when someone mentions Quattroportes, unless you really jones for the modern fifth generation cars which look to me a little too much like a Ford Maverick - hey, stop the hating!

The QIII arrived in 1979, sharing a platform with the Ford 351-powered de Tomaso Deauville, as at the time the company was under the control of that testy Argentinian. The Italdesign body is chunky and funky while the leather and burled wood interior is like being coddled between the perfumed globes of a beautiful woman's bosom. Underhood is a 4.9-litre 4-cam V8 rocking fuel injection and looking like something a Roman god has forged in an Olympic furnace. These engines sound pretty good too. Less god-like however, is the Torqueflite 3-speed which backs up the 288-horse engine, and the whole hot mess should move the 5,270-lb behemoth to sixty in about ten ticks.

For $5,500, Always Know Your Door Count

This one comes in recently re-sprayed stealth grey with contrasting baseball mitt leather and blond wood interior. Everything looks complete and in good shape, and in fact the seller makes the claim of only a single spot of rust on the car. Of course he doesn't say how big that spot is and that could be equatable to saying there is only one lion in your bedroom, sleep tight.

He also says the car has electrical issues but again is not forthcoming with the details - does that mean a window doesn't function? Or does it mean that all the lights go out above 60 mph? Who knows, just be forewarned that Italian cars and electrical troubles go together like insulting Mike Tyson and death.

For $5,500, Always Know Your Door Count

From the inside shots, it looks like this car has 64K on its clock, although it eschews the traditional Maserati analog clock, preferring instead to be like your proctologist and go digital. Brakes and rear suspension - a complex and wildly expensive four-shock affair - are said rebuilt, work that could potentially have cost the car's current asking price.

That price is $5,500 and for that you get something that is limited production - about 2,500 built total - sounds wonderful, and has an interior that's probably nicer than your home's present furnishings. On the downside it's a 28-year old Italian car, and is from the era of the Biturbo, which was among Maserati's darkest days as far as quality was concerned.

What do you think, does $5,500 open a portal to ownership for this massive Maser? Or, does that make this a four-door not for you?

You decide!

Seattle Craigslist or go here if the ad disappears.

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