We want to be happy. We want life to go well. Even with reality's complexity and frustration and even real pain, we are programmed to think that things will get better. We want to see the bright side of our time on this Earth.

It's natural, no? With all the pain and suffering and frustration that makes up so much of life, is it too much to ask to occasionally let slip the chains that hold us and feel the goodness? We want to be free to enjoy life, not to be tied down by burdens and complicated problems. So we seek liberation.

With that in mind, we let Baja Bug spin his tale of one man's success at ridding himself of his Anglo-Teutonic luxury-car albatross:

Atticus Bartholomew Dunster IV! How are you man? Did you catch the Yankees game last night? Of course I saw it, I was right behind home plate eating a steak!

Listen, don't tell anyone, but have I got something to sell you. My man Chet over at Citigroup is bundling car loans and offering them as securities! You got to get in on this before the poors find out and start snapping them up! You better act fast Atti, because these aren't any car loan securities; they're Rolls Royce securities! Once the poors find out about that, they'll be buying these, framing the certificates, and hanging them up in their cardboard boxes! It'll be the closest a poor has gotten to the Spirit of Ecstasy since you hit that woman on Sixth in your Roller.

Risks? There aren't any Atticus! Of course the Rolls Royce owners will pay off their loans! I mean, they drive Rolls Royces, not a BMW with a bodykit. *cough* And Standard & Poors rated these securities AAA, and when have they ever been wrong? Never; that's when.

So be a shark Atticus and wire me some money for some packaged Rolls Royce car loan securities! Unless you're a vagina, but you're not a vagina...you're a Shark!

That-a-boy Atticus! This is the best buy you'll ever make.

*click*

Whew! Thank God I unloaded those Rolls Royce securities! Those loans will never be paid off.