Art isn't just a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall. And as today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe Lincoln Limo proves, it's also in the eye of the beholder.
I asked you yesterday to behold what one individual considered an artistic creation - that of a '73 Volvo P1800 ES that had been mated with a gardener's pickup. The critical reviews are in, and with a landslide 94% Crack Pipe vote, it looks like that car is headed for the Ikea bargain bin.
But new day, new car, and this one is claimed to be as American, and as artistic, as a Georgia O'Keefe genital abstract. The panther-based Lincoln Town Car has been the limo maker's vehicle of choice for the past 30 years due to its being the last body on frame vehicle that wasn't a truck. That made for a Stretch Armstrong worthy extensions that would take up like 30 of those annoying ‘compact' parking spaces longways.
And out of these road-going dachshunds pop everything from the Hollywood elite at gala events, to hormonal teens at the prom. With seating for eight, there's even enough room in one of these so that Roller Girl can try and get busy with a former classmate while Burt Reynolds attempts to keep his toupee on straight.
But this 1985 Lincoln Limo isn't a limo just for limo's sake, it's a mural-sized canvas for patriotic artistic expression. From the Zebra striped roof to the screaming chicken on the hood this Bob Rosstical Town Car allows contemplation of its aesthetic merit from every angle, and each of those comes with a story as. . . well, let's just let the seller elucidate:
The exterior is a four piece ode to Americana. The top is a period (1980's) appropriate zebra stripe that beckons "I'm Here to Party" in a primal yet classy manner. The sides represent the duality of modern life as fire and water in a kind of graffiti-chic way. On the hood you will find a fresh take on the classic american phoenix or fire bird with a matte black background that sends an important message to would be communists, terrorists or illegal immigrants foolish enough to be in front of you. That message is, "This is America, Get the Fuck out of my way!" As you approach the rear of the vehicle you are whisked into another universe as you peer into an eery space-scape that typifies the mystery associated with the final frontier. Overall the art on the car gives the audience a taste of the warm apple pie that is America, plus it looks totally bad-ass.
Pretty stirring stuff, huh? It's sort of like Stiffler meets Team America - World Police. Not only was Lincoln one of America's greatest presidents, but now his namesake automobile allows you to express your patriotism and open up your own livery service. Is this a great country or what?
Perspective art buyers may not care that underneath this Town Car's fowl emblazoned hood beats the heart of a ‘Stang, but that is the same fuel injected 302 that topped out Ford's pony car in ‘86. Strangely, the seller claims the recently installed custom exhaust has its Corvette tips (?) exiting just behind the front wheels, ensuring that you'd want to keep the windows rolled up while getting to the show on time lest you suffer carbon monoxide hallucinations and eventual death. Of course, those windows are tinted, lending an air of mystery to the car. That'll make sure that what happens in Los Lincoln, stays in Los Lincoln, and in fact the seller recommends a full sanitizing of the red velour and dark cherry interior due to the unspeakable things that have gone on in there. With 75,000 miles worth of unspeakables under its extended wheelbase, you might want to call in the HazMat.
Grandma Moses, Andy Warhol, Norman Rockwell, and whoever painted this Lincoln- American treasures one and all. And at $1,500 this Town Car has a price that shouldn't give you a brush stroke. But what do you think, does $1,500 seem like a price that would make someone a happy patron of the arts? Or, is that more fartsy than artsy?
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