Commenter Of The Day: James Frey, You Whore Edition

Before James Frey was a literary villain, he played up his obviously exaggerated (in retrospect) hardcore nature in interviews. Until the Oprah debacle, most reporters and literati sucked it down like sweet tea vodka at a KD party, but author/writer Neal Pollack didn't buy it. Probably because Pollack's whole image at the time involved mock self importance so convincing I was never fully convinced Pollack didn't believe some of it. Pollack pounced on Frey after the fraud bragged about eating with his hands, hanging out with dogs, and listening to N.W.A..

You eat with your hands and call yourself a savage, Frey? Well, I eat with my face. I just plunge my face into a bowl and eat like a beast. Raw meat. Raw vegetables. Raw unprocessed grain. I brew my own beer and I piss in it and I drink it and it tastes good. And you think you're tough because you listen to N.W.A.? I was IN N.W.A, motherfucker. Now I listen to Dead Prez, and they're not nearly hard-core enough for me so I listen to Motorhead, but what the fuck? You pussy.

It's one of those truly great moments in early Internet history. The voice was just so right. It captured the idea so well. I have no idea what the Australian PM actually sounds like, but Spiegel managed to capture an alternative version of history in which a Chevy Ute for the U.S. is a matter of national importance.

Obama: Hey, Gilly.

Gillard: Gilly? Mr. Obama I really believe that—

Obama: Yeah yeah, whatever. Listen Gilly I'm gonna need a favor from you.

Gillard: What kind of favor?

Obama: Gonna need you to convince them koala bangers at holden to throw us a bone and send something stateside, shit's hitting the fan harder than Lindsey Lohan hits the pipe.

Gillard: I'm sorry? I don't understand what you want me to—

Obama: DAMN WOMAN JUST SEND ME SOME OF THEM CARS OVER HERE!

Gillard: Mr. Obama! I am insulted! What gives you the righ—

Obama: Listen sister, my country "liberated" kuwait. We "liberated" Afghanistan, you shrimp on the barbie bastards don't want me to "liberate" the shit out of Australia. Because I promise I'll call it "South South Jersey" and you don't want snookie polluting your beaches.

*awkward silence*

Gilly: I'll see what I can do.

Obama: Awesome! Hey whatever happened to Paul Hogan? Hello? Gilly? *under his breath* oh she did not just hang up on me. BIDEN GET IN HERE!

Biden: I can count to potato!

Also, James Frey is still a dick.