On the TV show Sweat Equity, Amy Matthews makes DIY home improvement look easy, and looks pretty good herself. Today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe Ferrari needs some DIY to increase its equity, but will its price make you sweat?
Yesterday's '64 Dodge Dart ragtop didn't even break a sweat in wrapping up its commanding 77% Nice Price win. That sweet Mopar from the past would let you grab a handful of vintage American V8, drop the top and forget all about the terrorists and the Twitterers, for a little while at least. Not only that, but the drop top Dodge harkened back to a simpler era when you could fix a car with nothing more than a hammer and the right Beach Boys song playing on the radio.
Today's car will take a little more than that.
Usually when you put a number like $13,500 up against a Ferrari, even the V8 engined 308, it's more likely to be a maintenance cost rather than the bill of sale. But that's not the case here, and in fact this 308 is a targa-roof GTS edition, maybe not as pretty as the GTB, but surely a whole lot more toplessy. So, it's so cheap, there's got to be a catch, right? Does that Kia money buy you a Ferrari that is presently on fire? Or maybe it's been buried on a crazy cannibalistic hermit's property and what you're buying is the map? Well, at that price, it must have been used in some sort of south of the border donkey diddle show, and now has the unmistakable and irremovable odor of sweet donkey love permeating every nook and Italianate cranny.
Or, maybe a previous owner didn't follow the 5-years or 15,000 miles rule of Ferrari ownership and bent the valves when the cam belt took one to the teeth. That seems to be the case here where the seemingly limbo-winning price is due to the fact that the car is, putting it in the seller's own words, in 1,000,000 pieces. That's a bit of hyperbole as a 308, even in GTS form with its removable roof, doesn't have anywhere near that many parts.
Regardless of how many boxes it'll take to get this Prancing Horse home to your stable, it's a pretty safe bet you're not driving it there. The 308 motor is an interference design, and belt failure can turn the car's achingly beautiful Pininfarina design from kinetic art to a stationary display faster than you can say quello succhia. The claim is made in the ad that 18 valves were eventually determined to have been Tyson'd by the pistons, which is odd as the 1980 308 sported only two valves per cylinder. Perhaps a couple of them were bent twice, just for good measure? The seller says the heads have been repaired with new valves installed, and that the bottom end doesn't seem to have suffered any damage by the unfortunate meeting. Those heads, however remain unmarried to that untouched bottom end. Not a good sign.
The rest of the ad is equally lacking in reassurance, informing that the car at one time was involved in a rear-end collision, which, while repaired satisfactorily, resulted in the loss of the trunk well. Despite those detriments, he does say that the paint is AWESOME, and if you can't believe an all-caps AWESOME, what can you believe? Bumpers, grilles, and a seat rail join the engine on the list of parts that come with the car in boxes and that need to be rejoined with it before your Magnum fantasies can start kicking in. The interior is described as being 99% complete, aside from the driver's seat rail and a steering wheel that he says looks old enough to have once carded Larry King. Additionally, he claims the now-hardened leather of the interior could stand some
astroglide leather cleaner to bring it back to its original baby's butt-like texture. While you're in there giving the cow hides a rub down, you could check out what the odometer reads, as the seller sure isn't letting on, and it's unreadable in the ad's Mr. Blurry's Photography shot.
So, by undertaking a little sweat equity you could potentially get your own black stallion to ride. Not only that, but the DIY tale you could tell would make for an interesting in with Amy Matthews should you ever meet her at a bar, or at your arraignment for stalking her. And of course, at this car's price, you'd have plenty left over for bail.
But is that $13,500 too much for a Ferrari whose equity comes in multiple boxes? Or, is that price low enough that you wouldn't sweat it?
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