The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

The LeMons race season has entered a particularly crazy stretch, due to the break triggered by Chief Perp Lamm's wedding, and so we have races on back-to-back weekends. Here are the results from last weekend's New Orleans event.

We experienced zombies, alligators, drive-thru daiquiris, exhaust-cooked ribs, 10,000 percent humidity, a Hemi-powered '51 Saratoga, drag racing, and many E30s in the hunt for the overall win. Have the E30 racers finally solved their cars' nagging reliability problems, or are we just witnessing the results of a Darwinian culling of the weaker Bavarians? Either way, we saw the second-ever multiple LeMons winner, and a German Index Of Effluency winner gave the awards ceremony a decidedly Teutonic cast. The enervatingly swampy weather sapped the will to wrench from many teams whose vehicles crapped out early— including the Integra that was knocking off laps about five seconds quicker than the next-quickest competitor— and that led to quite a few teams giving up on racing and retreating to the blessedly thrown-rod-free French Quarter. We'd never see that sort of attitude in South Carolina or California, but life moves at a different pace in the bayou.

Not enough LeMons action for you? Check out the top lemons of past races: Altamont '07Arse Freeze '07Altamont '08Ohio '08New England '08South '08Texas '08Arse Freeze '08Texas Spring '09South Spring '09Reno '09New Orleans '09New England '09Buttonwillow '09South Fall '09Ohio '09Texas Fall '09Arse Freeze '09Phoenix '10South Winter '10Texas Winter '10Sears Point '10Detroit '10

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

1. Race Hard Race Ugly #93, BMW 325iS
Overall Winner

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

2. Red Rocket Ratnest Revival, Ford Taurus SHO
Winner, Class Bad

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

3. Team Operation, BMW 318i
Winner, Class Good

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

4. Live Oak Nudist Resort II, BMW 320i

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

5. Who Dat! Piranha-n-Chitlins, BMW 325e

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

6. Speed Racer & the Racing Rednex, Ford Mustang
Winner, Least Horrible Yank Tank award

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

7. Team HOR, Nissan Sentra SE-R

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

8. FUBAR Racing, Ford Escort ZX2

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

9. Kentucky Fried Racing, Honda Civic
Winner, Class Ugly

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

10. Race Hard Race Ugly #94, BMW 325iS

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

11. Boner Motorsports, Ford Probe

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

12. Mostly Harmless Racing, Volkswagen Karmann Ghia
Winner, Index Of Effluency

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

13. Cupcake Racing, Ford Thunderbird

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

14. TDH Motorsports, Ford Mustang

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

15. TWSS Racing, Nissan 240SX

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

16. Who Dat! Shrimp & Boots, BMW 325e
Winner, Heroic Fix award

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

17. Warthog Racing, BMW 325e

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

18. Team Sensory Assault, Mazda RX-7
Winner, Organizer's Choice

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

19. www.team8racing.com, Porsche 924

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

20. GT$500 Racing, Toyota Celica

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

21. The Whip-Its, Datsun 280ZX

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

22. Tetanus Neon, Dodge Neon
Winner, Grassroots Motorsports Most From The Least award

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

23. Team Danger Ranger, Ford Ranger

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

24. Krewe of Wrecks, Nissan 300ZX

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

25. Rolling Chicane Racing, Honda Civic
Winner, I Got Screwed award

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

26. Ludicris Speed, Volkswagen Jetta

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

27. Prancing Donkeys, Acura Integra

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

28. Team Petty Racing (Celebrity Team Impersonated), Dodge Daytona

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

29. Altimate Annihilation, Nissan Altima

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

30. @*%!? Unknowns, Pontiac Fiero

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

31. 240 Racing, Nissan 240SX

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

32. Team Blue Goose 2, Volkswagen Rabbit

The Top 33 Lemons of the Cain't Git Bayou 24 Hours of LeMons

33. NSF Racing, Chrysler Saratoga
Winner, Judges' Choice award

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Disclosure: Murilee Martin gets paid crazy baksheesh (and, if he plays his cards right, a fully restored De Tomaso Longchamp) for his work on the LeMons Supreme Court.