1. Add AWD... maybe
From The Seller: "Here are the features: 450 Horse Power 5.9 Liter 8 Cylinder AWD."
From Reality: Yes, AWD Corvette, of course. There are so many of those running around. We totally believe this vehicle of bolt-ons has its own custom AWD system.
2. Install Lambo Doors
From The Seller: "Oh did I forget to mention the suicide Lambo doors and the race trim I designed myself."
From Reality: No, you didn't forget to mention it. You're not even halfway into this description. The Lambo doors, as you'd expect, are totally classy.
3. Black LED Lights And Wing FTW
From The Seller: "Or did I forget to mention the LED tail lights and the extra 4 black stained tail lights easily inter changeable."
From Reality: We wish you would have temporary amnesia when describing this. We also really like how none of the exhaust tips match up. The wing isn't awful, but the whole package works better on a Civic.
4. Two Turbos Are Better Than One, But Twin Turbonaters?
From The Seller: "Also this car has dual Turbonators inside the exhaust manifold and a K&N air filtration pack."
From Reality: Putting the "forced" in "forced induction" is this wonderful statement. Turbonators are, like Tornado Air Fuel Savers, the basically useless bolt-on bits marketed as creating a tornado-like flow of air inside your engine. If one doesn't do anything we're not sure what two will do.
5. A Set Of Four "Ferrari Rims" Will Make It Drive Like A Ferrari
From The Seller: "Recently I painted the Back Bumper Black with new Spyder Ferrari Rims."
From Reality: We think painting the back bumper with wheels from a Ferrari is a bad idea, though we're impressed how well this turned out. Unfortunately, the wheels, do not, a Ferrari make.
6. A Custom Sound System Adds A Touch Of Class
From The Seller: "It also has surround sound with 6 x 8 Boston sticks and a flip out GPS navigation system/DVD/ IPOD/MP3/USB Port player with various hidden cables and attachments . The stereo cranks and loves hard rock."
From Reality: And look how great the custom instillation was.
7. Paint Some Hood Strakes On it
From The Seller: "MY RACE CAR, first come first serve non-negotiable on price."
From Reality: Yes, most race cars have hood strakes. Race cars like the Chrysler Sebring.
8. Finish With Bullet-Proof Personalized License Plate
From The Seller: "I have over 20K invested in this car and really don't want to sell it but I have to, that's my business!!!"
From Reality: We wish it would have stayed your business. The "ITALEON" license plate, though, is a great clue as to the spelling abilities of the former owner.