They Treat Me Like a Tool, They Take Me For a Fool: Parents' Top 15 Cars

Jumpin' Jehosephat, do we love it when parents who aren't necessarily car enthusiasts write about cars! Ku, ku, ku, ku... Follow along as we get all young, loud and snotty on the staff & readers of Parents magazine as they attempt to name the top fifteen vehicles for now families.

Chrysler Town & Country
They say: "Actually cool!"
We say: "Nah, brah."

Toyota Sienna
They say: "Numerous storage nooks!"
We say: "Nook-cam?"

Honda Odyssey
They say: "Nifty storage component!"
We say: "Swell!"

Mazda 6
They say: "A remote control that lets you open the car windows from your porch so you can air out the car on hot days!"
We say: "Or let the rain in on wet ones!"

Dodge Charger
They say: "Trunk holds two strollers and then some!"
We say: "Fuck tha trunk, yo! What about the Hemi?"

Ford Fusion
They say: "Grocery-bag hooks!"
We say: "HI DAVE! WANT A HAMBURGER?"

Chevrolet Equinox
They say: "Though it's rugged enough to take off road, the Equinox is as comfy as a minivan inside!"
We say: "And you'd look like less of a dork in a minivan."

Ford Explorer
They say: "The redesigned Explorer looks like another best-seller — especially since this model has Roll Stability Control!"
We say: "Maybe idiots shouldn'tve bought Explorers in the first place."

Jeep Commander
They say: "Versatility is this Jeep's strong suit!"
We say: "James May would still hate this thing, even if it is slow"

Kia Sportage
They say: "Its durable synthetic interior stands up to juice spills and muddy sneakers!"
We say: "Now if only a genuine interior could do that."

Mazda 3
They say: "I'd limit it to two kids in the back!"
We say: "When I was a child, we used to cram three 11-year-olds in the boot of a Madza 323 hatchback with my uncle hoonin' it around the narrow roads of Norn Iron. It made us tough, dammit. Kids today are too coddled."

Honda Civic
They say: "The hip dashboard will remind kids of their Game Boys!"
We say: "Whoop-de-frickin'-doo."

Volvo V50
They say: "The V50 is a great choice for parents who want to transport the family in a bit more style!"
We say: "First y'all say crossovers are the new station wagon, then you put the V50 a wagon at the top of your 'Crossover' list? Been huffin' a bit too much Anbesol lately, have we?"

Subaru Tribeca
They say: "A great alternative to a big SUV!"
We say: "Flying vagina!"

Nissan Murano
They say: "The rear seat reclines, a plus for kids who need to nap!"
We say: "Or for makin' more babies!"

The Best Family Cars for 2006 [Parents]

Related:
Forbes' Best Cars of '05