Ug, flying cars. I’m so sick of them. They’re always two years away, they’re always stupid, and nobody is ever going to buy them. They’re miserable teases, and I swore I was done with them. I’d accepted this, and then along come these Dutch bastards with a stupid name, Pal-V, with a flying car they say you (well, rich you) can actually buy and it seems pretty damn cool and now I’m really fucking pissed.

I’m pissed because this flying car company had the unmitigated gall to develop something that actually looks sort of plausible, practical, and cool, and that just sends me into a rage, because I know, I know, that this is just a setup for hurt and confusion because flying cars never actually manage to happen.

Here, look at their stupid, compelling video of their dumb-cool flying car thing:

Here’s what’s driving me crazy about this thing: it’s full of pretty good choices for a flying car. It’s an autogyro design, which means that instead of big, heavy fixed wings, it relies on an unpowered top rotor to provide lift.

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That’s a really good solution for a flying car like this, and the mechanism by which the rotors fold and the mast lays back is also a good solution.

The three-wheel design also makes a lot of sense, because then it can bypass all of the crash and emissions and other regulations required for conventional four-wheeled cars, and as such could actually be driven on American roads.

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The stupid piece of shit even looks sort of cool, both in flying and ground form. And those leather seats sure look decadent.

Worst of all, these fuckers are actually offering these for sale now, not in a perpetual two years, like flying cars are supposed to.

The Pal-V appears to use twin 100 horsepower Rotax engines, both of which are used for flying, giving some redundancy, and one appears to be used to drive the wheels for ground travel.

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Oh, also, Pal-V? Fuck you for each and every one of these captions describing who you think is going to buy this:

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“The better best?” “FlyDriving?” Fuck off.

You’re driving me crazy with how plausible this all seems to be, how usable and manageable. I can always console myself knowing that the process of actually getting a pilot’s license is going to keep these things as extremely limited-production toys, and they’re so expensive I’ll likely never see one, anyway, so it can’t taunt me with its siren call of incredible freedom of mobility and the eternal human dream of soaring through the air.

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I mean, learning to fly a gyrocopter I’m told is easier than most aircraft, but still.

They’re expensive at about $400,000 to $600,000, sure, but I mean, that’s a bit less than a new Aventador goes for, and this thing can fly, so— wait, stop. Stop right now, Jayjay. You know this train of thought only goes to one station: disappointment. Get off while you can.

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I gotta stay strong here. Fuck you, Pal-V, and the magic sky-car you flew/drove in on. I know how this flying car story ends, and it’s never happy. So screw you for your clever design and your claims that these can be sold and your Dutch quality and quilty leather seats and whatever the hell else.

I’m not letting you in my heart so you can hurt me, like all the others have.

Fuck off.