Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!  

The seller of today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe BMW alludes to electrical issues that are perhaps common to these cars, but obliquely says that for the most part they can be ignored. That’s pretty weird but it’ll still be up to you to decide if there’s anything shocking about this big coupe’s price.

There was something funky about yesterday’s 1975 Ford Escort 1600 Sport - some of the pictures in the ad appearing to have been taken back home, and some of them seemingly here in the U.S. of A.. However, unless it was all some sort of scam, that car is definitely a unicorn here - sadly not the party kind that pukes rainbows - and one that would make every true Ford guy’s heart race just a little faster.

Of course being a unicorn it was hard for many of us Amerituckians to guess just what such a noble beast might be worth and in the end that Escort fell in a 56% Crack Pipe loss. Still, if it sells for anything near its asking, it might be a good idea to make a run on importing these cool little cars before President Trump builds his wall or moat or whatever it is to keep them out.

Legally in the country, and rocking THREE TIMES the cylinder count as yesterday’s Ford, is this 1992 BMW 850i. This 12-cylinder super coupe is also imbued with that rarest of features, a six-speed manual transmission.


The 850i was BMW’s halo car - its topmost notch on the bedpost if you will - for all of the Nineties, and as such it competed with the likes of Mercedes 600s and even (hushed tones and bowed heads if you please) Ferrari’s 456. More edgy than the Benz, but less raucous than the Italian, the V12 Bimmer was the Mama Bear of Grand Touring coupes, right?

Yeah, not so much.

Released into a market plagued by a global economic downturn and gasoline price instability, the E31 8-series didn’t exactly light the sales charts on fire. That’s not to say that its debut wasn’t notable for a number of factors. For one thing, the E31 was the first road car to offer a V12 engine mated to a six-speed stick. It was also the first to offer a drive-by-wire throttle and was one of BMW’s first cars to ride on the company’s fancy multilink rear suspension.


This car has all of that, and 147,000 miles on the clock. The ad is light on detail, but high on high on confoundedly obtuse musings on the complexities of modern automotive electronics. It’s hard to say whether there’s anything wrong with this Black and Tan Bimmer, but the ad copy certainly implies that there is something going on.

Speaking of going on, what is going on with those sperm wheels? Or maybe that’s what the Flying Spaghetti Monster looks like in plan view? I don’t know. Look, there are a plethora - a veritable wealth - of wheels available for BMW cars, why on Earth would you choose spunk spinners?


Aside from that the car looks to be in decent shape, and the interior belies the miles, appearing fully ready to comfortably do many more. On the outside the car looks just as tidy in the limited pics, and boy do these cars still look good. The 8 emulated the nose of the famous Michelotti Turbo fom the ‘70s, but despite that retro touch the Klaus Kapitza-desgined coupe has aged very well.

Of course when it was new it was not only strikingly beautiful, standing out from the competition, it was also freaking expensive. In fact, everything about the car was expansive - its M70B50 V12 bringing both an impressive cylinder count to the table and nearly 300 horsepower. The car was intentionally conspicuously consumptive, being unapologetically big on the outside while offering 2+2 seating that really was only for 2 on the inside. That’s what rich people wanted before Tesla made environmental consciousness the must-have accessory of the well-to-do.


You can live those champagne wishes and caviar dreams in this big BMW coupe for a fraction of the car’s original unobtainable price - a mere $9,000. That gets you a (probably) silky smooth V12, row-yer-own transmission, and a visual gravitas that’s hard to beat. Oh, and sperm wheels, we mustn’t forget the sperm wheels.

Do you think this 850i with its six-speed and hint of electrical issues might be worth that kind of scratch? Is $9,000 a price that could have you seeing yourself sitting behind its wheel and blipping its drive-by-wire throttle? Or, is the ad just too cryptic and the car too complicated to go that high for this one?


You decide!

Seattle Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to CJ for the hookup!

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