Successfully extracting a snapped bolt..

You have been suspended 9 games because, in your words: “I didn’t eat my green beans at dinner.” Read more

And I got the same six games because I changed lanes without signaling. Scary how real-life this is. Read more

When I think about it, I suppose my transgressions did rise to the level of secretly deflating footballs. I deserved it.

I didn’t cry in my apology, but I did state that I would understand if you no longer want to shake my hand.

Roger needs to clarify if it’s two games for adultry, or two games for each incident of adultry because if it’s the latter I’m afraid I can never play again.
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Roger Goodell has carefully mulled this over, because he wants to make it right. Read more

“I mean, c’mon, think about it, Mark. That’s why we call them false flags.”

But then he would have a red flag, so he wouldn’t be red flagged for not having any red flags anymore, so that red flag would be rendered moot, which would mean he would have no red flags, which would be a red flag, which would mean his lack of red flags wasn’t a red flag anymore, which would take away his red flag,… Read more

My Speedo reads 5 miles faster than I am going. I need to fix that so it is the other way around. Read more

A good 911 shell is a future 911 race car. Read more

Keep calling it ISIS or the terroists win! First they come for our acronyms, then they come for our abbreviations, and then where would the youth in this country be, typing everything out like a pedantic prick?
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I know what he means about not letting the wife see any of the dials. I have a similar thing with my browser history. I’m not so much worried about her seeing any porn I’m looking at (I mean midgets, goats and bratwurst is hardly outrageous) but am scared crapless that she may see my Autotrader and kijiji history. Read more

“Should Pro Athletes Take Sabbaticals?” Read more

It’s a 2002. With that said, I don’t like the spark plugs (2) that shot out of the engine and took all the threads and housing with them. I hate the way it eats wheel bearings. I hate the fact that it doesn’t know whether its doors are open or closed while I’m driving (even though replaced all switches) so from time… Read more

Because the actions of your QB have helped wrought 500 Days of Kristin. Read more

And I just realized.... Ken Marino is his doppleganger:

Now if only they would come out with a roof-mounted rocket launcher. They could sell it as a fuel economy benefit, since you wouldn’t be stopping for traffic as much. Read more

*Looks at watch* - 7:49 pm - *opens a beer and clicks on link*
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Very cool. I think I can accomplish the same effect by duct-taping my phone to the passenger side and using Torque. Though the airbag may prove to be an issue...