Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!

Before you can determine the Nice Priciness or Crack Pipedness of this petite Peugeot, you'll need to determine your affinity for all things French. So sharpen your #2 pencil, and get ready for a test.

Here we have a low mileage, 1972 Peugeot 304 cabriolet. It is claimed to be in all-original condition, and has been lovingly cared for in its adopted home of Luzern Switzerland. The seller is asking $19,000 American, and offers to sell worldwide, so this Pininfarina-styled beauty could be sitting in your driveway in a matter of weeks.


But, do you have what it takes to own such a car? The 304 embodies everything there is to be French, from its supple, all-independent, suspension, to the twee exhaust note from its 1288cc wet-sleeve, aluminum-block engine. This car was never officially imported to the U.S. due to the fear that the typical American would be unable to truly appreciate its innate gallic temperament. But you may have what it takes, not only to decide the appropriateness of this asking price, but also whether or not this car might just be for you.

If you find this car even vaguely intriguing, you may be French. To be able to pass judgement fairly, you should know for sure. So, before you decide its fate, take this test and see how you score on the Franco-meter:

1. For breakfast in the morning, you most typically eat:
(a) Eggs, bacon, white toast, and a cup of coffee so black, it would have voted for Obama
(b) A bowl of fruit, a cup of chai tea (and some whipped cream on the fruit, but don't tell anybody!)
(c) An espresso and a Gitanes

2. When meeting someone (of either sex) for the first time you:
(a) Keep a respectful distance, offer one hand to shake, and keep the other on the .38 tucked into your belt
(b) Shake hands warmly and judge them by their grip and the cut of their clothes
(c) Grab them by the shoulders, kiss them on both cheeks and, if possible, rub your crotch on them

3. Your mustache (for men) could best be described by the phrase:
(a) Like the untended hedge of an insane asylum
(b) Like you're auditioning for a Village People revival
(c) Pencil thin


4. Regarding women, you think they:
(a) Are good when you need a clean shirt, like say for a funeral
(b) Are your best friends!
(c) Are always to be considered in the plural

5. Your car is a representation of your existential being, and in that capacity yours says:
(a) I live in this thing, and going back to prison would be a luxury, so go ahead and laugh, mo-fo
(b) Look, I know what bee poop can do to the clear coat, so I don't care how hot it is, I'm not parking under that Jacaranda
(c) I prefer sensuality over utility, style over safety, and comfort over getting to where I need to go


6. When making love, your technique involves:
(a) 0% above the waist, 100% below the waist, but she can- you know- if she wants to
(b) 20% above the waist, 80% below the waist (split 50% front and 50% back)
(c) 80% above the waist, 10% below the waist, 10% postcoital Gitanes

7. When someone says the word Baguette, your first thoughts are of:
(a) Something that the handi-wipes come in at the Rib Shack
(b) Something fetching
(c) Something to go with a bottle of Bordeaux and a short-skirted woman on the back of your Lambretta as you speed through the countryside


8. When you hear a twee horn you think:
(a) Hey, the Shriners are in town!
(b) Hey, the circus is in town!
(c) Ah, the Citroën, how lovely and romantic she speaks

9. When you hear the word Prada you think:
(a) Mmmmm, shrimp
(b) That you might just wet yourself
(c) Of your first Italian conquest


10. When you see a picture of this man-


you immediately think he is:
(a) A ghost
(b) Suffering the worst bout of constipation you have seen since that unfortunate incident in Mykanos
(c) A national icon, and possibly the greatest talent who ever lived

11. When someone mentions Jerry Lewis you:
(a) Start to chuckle and make Heeyyyyyy, Ahhhh, Oyyyyy noises
(b) Make tsk-tsk sounds, shake your head, and mutter about senile old homophobes
(c) Make a satisfied mmmmmm sound, and nod approvingly


12. This Peugeot 304 is:
(a) Something I'd never be caught dead driving, and was built by pansies who couldn't stand up (twice!) to a few Germans. I'm just gonna' keep on walking, nothing to see here.
(b) What I really want is a Beemer
(c) It is my duty not to let this amazing automotive marvel fall into the hands of the crude, uncouth denizens that are non français, and who would sully her with ignorant and unglamorous driving positions. No! I must protect her so she may remain forever a shining light of the Gallia Comata.


If you mostly answered (a), you likely drive a pickup truck, call your food "vittles", think the Grand Ole Opry is high culture, and are most likely to vote Crack Pipe.


If you answered mostly (b), you are metrosexual, or possibly gay. While there's nothing wrong with that, you need to let go of the ‘90s, and while cautious with your money, you'll splurge if something FABULOUS comes along. This car fits the bill, so you are likely to vote Nice Price.

If you answered mostly (c), then you are French. Come on, admit it, don't try and hide the fact any longer, the beret gives it away. Nineteen grand is a pittance for this beauty and it's all you can do not to hit that Buy It Now button. Good work, Frenchie- Nice Price.


Okay, now that we've gotten that straightened out, go ahead and vote!


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Photo Credit flicker

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