You Can Fight Crime In The Viper From The Ridiculous 90s Show ViperS

Nationally, violent crime rates today are down considerably from their historic highs in the 80s and early 90s. Social scientists will tell you there are many reasons for this, including harsher penalties and changing demographics. They're wrong. The real reason is high tech crime-fighting cars.

Back in the 80s, Americans didn't dick around with criminals like we do today. We commissioned KITT, the souped-up Trans Am from Knight Rider, to take out our trash.

After all, the only logical way to deal with skyrocketing murder rates and the crack cocaine epidemic was a snarky, talking Pontiac driven by David Hasselhoff.

That was fine for the 80s, but law enforcement had to step up its game in the 90s. So for an unfathomable four seasons between 1994 and 1999, the Viper Defender prowled the streets of Metro City on NBC and syndication in the TV show Viper.

With the flick of a switch, the car would transform from a regular Dodge Viper RT/10 to a stylized gray one with a four-wheel-drive mode, battering rams, a cloaking device, a turbo booster, and (of course) lasers.

Understandably, criminals got the message, and that's why this country is so much safer today.

And now's your chance to own one. One of the Viper Defenders from the TV show is now for sale on eBay, and as of this writing it's going for a mere $75,100.

Of course, the ad has some real head-scratchers here. The seller doesn't list the actual year of the car (he says it's a 1900 model, which I find somewhat hard to believe) but he says it has just a hair under 10,000 miles. He also says it has a V8, which we all know is untrue unless the car got some kind of an engine swap for TV duty. I hope that's not really the case. (Update: Actually, yes, it does have a V8 instead of the Viper V10.)

The seller brags that the car is not a "clone," but rather the same one that failed to sell at a 2010 Mecum auction for "$270,000 THOUASND DOLLARS."

So... $270 million? I mean, if it does all the stuff the car did on TV, that sounds reasonable.

In addition, he says the car is "not built for road use, for display and events purposes only," but I feel like that's only a suggestion.

One of you should buy this thing and take back the streets in your hometown.

You Can Fight Crime In The Viper From The Ridiculous 90s Show ViperS

You Can Fight Crime In The Viper From The Ridiculous 90s Show ViperS

Hat tip to Speed:Sport:Life!