I have a confession to make: I’ve always hated how my Mercedes-AMG GT R was confined to solid ground only. There are so many new and undiscovered places to explore when you can cross the seas. Places like the Dominican Republic. Honduras. Venezuela. Cigarette Racing came to the rescue.

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This is the Cigarette Racing Team 50’ Marauder AMG, commissioned by me. I told them to carbon fiber everything because that shit is cool as fuck and glitters in the sunshine.

The deck, cockpit and consoles are made from carbon fiber with a foam core. The engine hatch is also made completely from carbon fiber. That’s what Mercedes will outwardly tell you, though.

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What it doesn’t mention is that the toilet and automated fingernail cleaner are sculpted from carbon fiber as well, for lightweight and rigid flushing and buffing.

Since I have a lot of ghosts from my past and IRS agents to outrun, the boat is powered by two Mercury Racing 1550/1350 QC4v (Quad Cam 4 Valve) engines, which can deliver up to 3,100 horsepower.

I liked the idea of the red key/black key in the Hellcats, so I implemented something similar in this boat: the Race Key fob unlocks up to 1,550 HP with race fuel, and the Pleasure Key is used for 1,350 HP with 91 octane fuel.

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I’m also really good at naming things.

And then I painted it green because it’s the color of MONEY. And ENVY.

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Here are the seats for me and my fake and social ladder-climbing friends.

And here’s me driving my boat into the sunset after my fake and social ladder-climbing friends fell out of it.

Just kidding, I don’t have any friends. Just enemies.