Now, I realize that I’m not an advertising executive working on the ad campaign for Mercedes-Benz–those easily alarmed people over at that ad agency reminded me of that. By shoving. Even so, Mercedes’ new ad campaign completely baffles me.

The campaign is called Grow Up and this is how Mercedes PR describes it:

With “Grow up.”, Mercedes-Benz is taking a new approach to marketing communications. The most extensive content creation in the history of the brand has been realized for the five models of the compact-car family.

With more than 100 moving-image sequences and over 90 lifestyle and product images, stories of a new generation will be told until the end of this year. The campaign focuses on people caught between the coolness of adolescence and the squareness of adulthood who embody the attitude to life of the new compacts. One of the main characters is the U.S. rapper A$AP Rocky. The campaign launches in early March 2017.

“Moving-image sequences?” Are they talking about videos? Or are they publishing a set of zoetrope rings?

Advertisement

Advertisement

I guess it’ll be best if you just watch some of these things to understand what I’m talking about. Here’s the trailer:

And then there’s a bunch of those bits of advice, broken out into their own little mini-films, all of which seem to emphasize the complicated, unpleasant parts of being a human that interacts with other humans:

Here’s another:

And another:

Are you okay to deal with another? All sharp things tucked away? Good.

Is this even an ad campaign? Yes, some cars are involved, but you could swap out any Mercedes in here with literally any other car at all and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.

Advertisement

Advertisement

Do these things actually make people want to buy cars? Especially expensive German cars? Or do they just want to make you feel uneasy because of all the pain you may have caused people in your life and regret various decisions you’ve made?

What the fuck are you doing, Mercedes?

Also, your typography looks like mid-’90s Apple. Time for an update.