In 1994, the Ferrari F355 hit the scene with a 3.5-liter V8 packing 375 horsepower. It was an incredibly fast car in its day. It did zero to 60 mph in about 4.7 seconds. It has nothing on the Volkswagen Golf R 400, which has 25 more horses and is far faster.

A Volkswagen Golf. With 400 horsepower. A version of a humble family hatchback that can lay the beatdown on exotics. Zero to 60 mph happens in under four seconds.

My God, what an age of performance we find ourselves in.

Along with their delicious 300 horsepower and probably not U.S.-bound Golf R SportWagen, VW showed off the Golf R 400 at the LA Auto Show. Having seen it in person, I can tell you that it's properly batshit fucking crazy, and of all the cars I've seen today it's the one I most want to steal and hoon.

There's a lot to like here, like the shimmery metallic silver paint, the boxed-out fender flares, the six-speed manual (!!!) gearbox, the Recaro seats, and the neon yellow trim everywhere, including the engine. Including the engine. So magical.

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The Golf R 400 is slated for production, but no word on whether it will come to the U.S. or not. I think you and I both know the answer to that. The Germans think we're all idiots in America (have you driven our Passat lately?) but we aren't. Well, a lot of us are, but some of us are alright.

At any rate, I want to beat this 400 horsepower hatchback within an inch of its life until they haul me off to the insane asylum. We can share a cell, this Golf and I.