The Tesla Model S P85D is already insanely fast. No, seriously – its 691 horsepower made it so fast it’s got an Insane Mode. But that’s not fast enough, because Tesla just found a way to step it up even higher than that, to 762 horsepower. To Ludicrous Mode.

Elon Musk is giving a conference call right now describing some updates to the Tesla Model S. There’s some stuff about slightly cheaper prices, and a bigger 90KwH battery pack, but the real news for us nutjobs is that today, we can officially declare it LudaChristmas.

Rocketing from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds, the new 762 horsepower (SEVEN HUNDRED SIXTY-TWO HORSEPOWER!) Tesla Model S P90D is just 0.1 seconds of a second slower to highway speed than a Koenigsegg Agera R. It’ll do the quarter mile in 10.9 seconds, which may even make it good enough for Dom Toretto.


That also means the Tesla Model S will now accelerate with the force of 1.1G, which means it’ll actually feel faster than falling.

Obviously, it’s kind of mind-boggling to imagine how Musk & Co. at Tesla managed to squeeze another 10% out of the system in the Model S, so let Elon Musk himself explain how they did it:


While working on our goal of making the power train last a million miles, we came up with the idea for an advanced smart fuse for the battery. Instead of a standard fuse that just melts past a certain amperage, which means you aren’t exactly sure when it will or won’t melt or if it will arc when it does, we developed a fuse with its own electronics and a tiny lithium-ion battery. It constantly monitors current at the millisecond level and is pyro-actuated to cut power with extreme precision and certainty.

That was combined with upgrading the main pack contractor to use inconel (a high temperature space-grade superalloy) instead of steel, so that it remains springy under the heat of heavy current.

The net result is that we can safely increase max amp throughout from 1300 to 1500 Amps. If you don’t know much about Amps, trust me this is a silly big number of Amps to be going through something the size of your little fingernail.

What this results in is a 10% improvement in the 0 to 60 mph time to 2.8 secs and a quarter mile time of 10.9 secs. Time to 155 mph is improved even more, resulting in a 20% reduction.

And Ludicrous Mode won’t be limited to the Model S, as it’ll debut on the Model X as well. Though because it’s an SUV, it’ll do the 0-60 run in a positively sluggish 3.3 seconds, or just 0.1 seconds off an original McLaren F1.

The way it works, Elon says, is that the system basically works the way it would in the previous craziness, Insane Mode, up until 30 miles per hour. After that, it steps up the game to Ludicrous Mode. It can’t really do Ludicrous all the way from zero miles per hour, simply because there’s no way to surmount the laws of physics and traction.

If you want to upgrade your Model S to the new specification, it’ll cost you about $10,000. Which sounds like a lot, until you think for 2.8 seconds and realize you’ll get LUDICROUS SPEED.

Musk went on to say that the next-generation Tesla Roadster will debut in four years, with one speed even faster – maximum plaid.

Which sounds like a joke. But do you think he’s kidding?

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