The Indy 500 Has Complete Intolerance For Lactose Intolerance

At the end of the Indy 500, the winner takes a traditional sip of milk, sponsored by the American Dairy Association. And last night we learned they're hardcore on what exactly you're allowed to drink. If you win and are lactose intolerant, be prepared to have to shit like a race horse.

Before the race, every driver (yes, even Jacques Villeneuve), picks their "milk preference" so in case they make it to victory lane, they get their favorite dairy beverage to pour down their gullets or on their heads.

The tradition started when 1936 winner Louis Meyer requested a bottle of buttermilk to drink in Victory Lane. Apparently, that's not one of the varietals you can get anymore. Last night, 500 champ Ryan Hunter-Reay told us over drinks that his teammate James Hinchcliffe had requested buttermilk but was totally denied. He went with skim instead.

And what about flavored milk? No way Jose. We were told that someone asked for chocolate milk and was told that won't be happening. And if you're lactose intolerant, there's no almond milk or soy milk. You could do what Emerson Fittipaldi did in 1993 and drink orange juice from your own groves, but he has been ridiculed and heckled by fans ever since.

What that means is you'll take a sip and then have to run off for some celebratory terlet activities. Or you could just pour the milk on your head so the warm Indiana sun can make you smell like a terrible barnyard. Your choice.