Okay, so I lied. My pants are indeed aflame. The fastest car in all of Japan in the 1970's was not a tiny little Honda, but you'd have no idea of that if you were an alien that happened to crash land in Kyoto circa 1972 and saw this ad for the Asahi Pentax camera.

In the delightful little word of this commercial, where everything seems hopeful and bright, a young girl seems to be travelling the Japanese countryside alone (was that something people did then? If so, awesome) in a Honda N360. If you don't remember the Honda N360, don't worry, but it was sort of like the Honda Civic of its day, only with a buzzy little air-cooled two-cylinder bike engine. Pretty neat, I know. Doubly neat, if you consider all the rally gear she's got on top as well, what with the extra lights and the spare tires strapped to the hood.

So there she goes, all about the Japanese countryside, visiting the corrupt fascists on the Isle of Sodor, when she comes across what must be the grandest Japanese Gumball Rally, in 1972. Seriously, it's like a convoy of greatness. But no matter, for our fair heroine passes them all with ease in her N360 once the Vwee-Tech kicks in, yo. First a Toyota 2000GT (price: $1.2 million), then a first-gen rotary Mazda Cosmo (price: around $100,000), and finally a Nissan 240Z (price: whatever you're willing to pay, really). I guess all that variable cam timing really gives it some oomph.

After continuing to pass every car, truck, and bus on Honshu like a goddamn MANIAC, the cops finally attempt to pull her over. I assume they cut the bit out where she also robs a bank, runs over a group over elderly pensioners, and then commits securities fraud, as those cops look pissed.

It's Japan, though, so why not take a picture before she begins her life imprisonment? Everyone's polite like that, over there.

Of course, I could also just translate the Japanese for you and tell you what really happened, but where's the fun in that?