The Dark Secret Of The Only Car To Appear On American Paper Money

The government would love to keep you from knowing any of this. If they had it their way, Jalopnik would be shut down and I'd be thrown into one of the secret gulags the Department of  the Treasury operates inside Roosevelt's nostrils on Mt.Rushmore. But I won't keep quiet anymore. I'm gonna blow the lid off this thing once and for all, and tell you all the dark, disgusting, and filthy secrets behind the only car ever to appear on US money. It's on the back of the ten-dollar bill. 

In fact, the Shadow Government of the US wants this information hidden so badly that the current version of the ten-dollar bill, released in 2006, gets rid of the cars entirely. I know, right? What are they hiding? Those four (that's right, four) cars have been on there since 1928.

So, in case something happens to me, I want to get this information out there so the black helicopters can't surpress it any more. Let's get started.

First of all, let's talk about the bill that these only cars ever to be on greenbacks reside in. The ten is one of only two bills to have a non-president on them (Hamilton was Secretary of the Treasury, and the other non-presidential freeloader is Franklin), the absolutely only bill to have the offspring of a prostitute on it, and that offspring is the only person on US paper money not to be born on the continental US landmass (Alexander Hamilton was born on the Island of Nevis to a whore, you see). It's an unusual bill, comprising only 6% of total bills (2009 numbers).

And, of course, it was the first and only bill to have a car on it. Sure, since very recently we've had, say, Indiana's state quarter with an Indy car on it, but let's face it, those state quarters are one step away from having Arby's ads on them. When it comes to cars on paper money in America, these old 1928-2006 tens are it.

There's a lot of misinformation about the cars. Let's focus on the most visible of the cars. Wikipedia says it's a 1926 Hupmobile. Other sources claim it's a Model T, and Papermoneyguide says of the cars

There are four cars represented on the reverse of the ten-dollar bill. None of these automobiles are of any specific year, make, or model, but rather a composite representation of the style of automobiles manufactured in the early 1920s.

These are all lies. Filthy, filthy lies. That main car is based on a specific model, but the government has intimidated everyone to not come out and identify it. But that ends today:

The largest car represented on the 1928-2006 ten-dollar bill reverse is based directly on a 1927 (1928 model year)-1931 four-door Ford Model A. 

There. I said it. Look at this picture for proof. 

The Dark Secret Of The Only Car To Appear On American Paper Money

Look at the pattern of the windows on the side, the visor over the windshield, the twin-bar bumper, the arched headlight support bar, the sidelights below the windshield, the curve of the fenders, and yes, most tellingly, the trademark 'widow's peak' pattern of the radiator shell. There's no doubt about it. This is a Model A.

So why would the government go to such lengths to surpress this misinformation? My theory is that that particular car was owned by the real  assassin of William McKinley, and he was by chance passing by the treasury when the engraver quickly knocked out the engraving. The Shadow Government didn't realize what had happened until they happened to see the driver of the car under a microscope, still wearing the McKinley blood-stained jacket that he kept as a souvenir from all those years ago.

Unable to change the bill and unwilling to draw attention by recalling it, they started their decades-long campaign of misinformation. A campaign that ends today.

So, dear readers, if you don't hear from me, you'll know what happened. I GOT TOO CLOSE.