Brabus, responsible for some of the most aggressively ostentatious tuner cars, has passed its brush over the Tesla Model S. And it’s almost elegant! Is nobody brave enough to put some offensive flaps and stance on this car?

The Brabus Model S has no grid of LEDs or street-scraping bodykit. Just little carbon lips, some spokey 21” rims, and an interior that looks like it was ported directly from the furniture in Han Solo’s living room.

But the car still looks like it can steer and get up that curb at the In-N-Out drive-thru. It’s got just enough tack-on to stand out but it ain’t no one-vehicle mardi gras like the rest of the Brabus lineup. And I actually really like it.

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To your next question, no, Brabus couldn’t figure out how to squeeze any more acceleration from Elon Musk’s already-impossibly-fast super sedan.

The Model S has been with us for a few years now. But unlike every other expensive sport sedan out there, we really haven’t seen all that many modified versions. The tuner Teslas that do come out, possibly with the exception of Saleen’s Panamera-style facelift, are actually (dare I say?) kinda classy.

I started hypothesizing nobody had the gall to do an insane rebody on the Model S when Mansory’s version looked mild. Mansory, a company that will turn any car into a rolling replica of a modern pharaoh’s deathmask, had simply cut open the car’s mouth hole and added two strips of LED.

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When I heard Brabus was taking a crack, with some bullshit “ZERO EMISSIONS DIVISION” subbrand and a goofy lightning logo, I thought; finally. Somebody’s stepping up to give us the filthy gauche Model S rebody that will make those smug EV-driving purists barf kale smoothies all over their ten-inch widescreens.

Instead we got this. It’s tidy, it’s clean, it’s downright pleasant looking. And none of those are words I ever thought I’d use to describe a Brabus build. (Sorry B, but y’all have “a type.”)

But seriously, what’s keeping people from turning the Model S into an Arabian parade float or a Fast & Furious prop car?

It’s not like the Model S is off-limits to modification because it’s expensive. There’s a Bugatti Veyron with airbrushed graphics that lives outside some fancy store in Beverly Hills for christsakes.

First I thought maybe there’s no market for Tesla tuning because “non-car” people were buying the first batch. But my colleagues tell me no, these cars often share garages with interesting and traditional vehicles.

Tell me what you think of the Brabus Tesla, sure. But I’m more interested to hear theories on what’s really keeping somebody from making a truly over-the-top Tesla rebody.

Images via Brabus


Contact the author at andrew@jalopnik.com.