All image credits: Coys

I have a lot of stuff and I’m not the most organized person in the world (that’s what the help is for) so from the time to time I lose things. Credit cards, diamond rings, razor blades and 1996 Mercedes-Benz SL500 convertibles are all fair game.

So you can imagine my surprise when I stumbled across one of my old cars on Car Throttle this week. Speaking to the website, the CEO of Coys auction house, Chris Routledge, had this to say about me:

“This is a car with a fantastic story! Purchased as a birthday present and driven only 80 miles before the owner lost the keys and never drove it again. It even comes with a letter written by the owner’s butler verifying its mileage and its provenance.

“Had she not lost the keys and used it regularly, we estimate it would now be worth between £5,000 and £7,000, but the fact that it has kept such a low mileage and has not been driven in more than twenty years makes it worth between £45,000 and £55,000.

“What happened with the keys remains a mystery but the car comes with new keys for the new owner.”

Now that he mentions it, I do kind of vaguely remember this SL, even though admittedly 1996 was a long time ago. I’m not as young as I look (but here’s the secret: caviar and champagne every morning for breakfast and crushed pearl facial massages after lunch).

Actually, I remember the birthday party more. It was when I still had the London flat. My friends threw the party and we were drunk for a week. In that haze fueled by Dom and Madonna (the two pair delightfully), I do remember a set of keys being pressed into my hand. But I don’t remember driving it. I may have a lot of flaws, but drunk driving is not one of them.

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And then the next week... I left. I think it was because I was closing on a property in Monaco and there was an issue with the zoning there that I had to go personally oversee. And... oh my God I forgot about the flat in London! Shit, not again.

I’m sorry, I’m going to have to cut this one short, I need to get there as soon as I can and make sure the servants are still alive and that they’ve been feeding themselves this whole time. Because if they haven’t, that would be... bad.