Try as they might, some cars will never be cool. You know it. Jalopnik readers know it. Everyone but hopeless marketing departments know it.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day - our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
There's a difference between a bad car and an uncool car. You can have an extremely capable car with good handling, good fuel economy, and even good styling. Even that car can be uncool, and it might not even be your fault. Don't blame us. Blame the marketing teams that try and pretend like fashion designers care about the styling of midsize sedans, or international DJs are even vaguely interested in your compact crossover or whatever.
Do you think any of these cars are cool? Let your rage out in Kinja below.
Photo Credit: Smart
10.) Pity Cruiser
You could call the PT Cruiser the Las Vegas of cars because everything about it is fake and and plastic and chintzy, but it's not even as classy as Las Vegas. It's like the Reno of cars
Suggested By: Ravey Mayvey Slurpee Surprise, Photo Credit: Chrysler UK
9.) Dodge Nitro
Autoblog had a contest to give one of these away and I genuinely felt bad for the sap who won and had to drive one of these around. The special editions were called Heat, Detonator, and Shock, which sound like explosive bowel movements. In one of its ads it killed a dog. Not cool.
Suggested By: Bonhomme7h, Photo Credit: Dodge
8.) Chevy SSR
Why...why would anyone buy one of these? You could buy a real car instead.
Suggested By: Leach, Photo Credit: Chevrolet
7.) Corolla S
Related to the Corolla XRS (the X stood for XTREME and the R stood for RRRRRRRRR), the Corolla S is a "performance" car for old people. The day that becomes cool is the day I die.
Suggested By: imacnit, Photo Credit: Toyota
6.) Smart ForTwo
These aren't even cars. More often than not, they're just rolling billboards for cupcake shops, plant stores, and artisinal soap boutiques.
Suggested By: TokyoBayAqualine, Photo Credit: Smart
5.) Mini Paceman
This is the car for someone who wants the style of a Mini (excuse me, *MINI*), but can't make any sacrifice for the lack of space, which I would like to point out is the ENTIRE POINT OF THE MINI. In any case, here are these people who want a small car, but don't actually want a small car, so Mini makes them the Clubman so they can have a Mini that isn't mini. So then what the hell is this thing? Are there people who feel guilty that the Clubman is too a big car to say 'Mini' on it, so they get the smaller version of the big version of the Mini?
That's the Paceman, and it is completely pointless.
Suggested By: Speedmonkey, Photo Credit: Mini
4.) Mitsubishi Eclipse
I shouldn't even be mean to the Eclipse. It's not even fun. It's only driven by grandmothers anyway.
Suggested By: Nate Bleker, Photo Credit: Mitsubishi
3.) Jeep Wrangler Call of Duty Edition
For tatted-up roid rage wannabes only.
Suggested By: Kiwi_Commander, Photo Credit: Jeep
2.) Chevy Sparxx
They're only bought by old people, which makes its artisinal hipster ironic bubbly dynamic fun pink green graffiti Brooklyn skateboards advertising more embarrassing.
Suggested By: ranwhenparked, Photo Credit: Chevrolet
1.) Scion xB
A fat, bloated version of its spritely former self. Sometimes seen with "No Fat Chicks" stickers, which is ironic.
Suggested By: Sam G., Photo Credit: Scion