Send Porn Stars To Mars!S

We were confronted with the idea of a 501-day mission to send two people on a flyby of Mars. There's only one way to make this work and it involves porn stars.

You see, the problem has nothing to do with biological concerns, or scientific ideals. The problem is the modern attention span, as reader Derek Whitaker explains.

So lets establish the arc of public interest for this endeavor. Initial launch, first couple weeks... enthusiastic interest. Waning from then on until the fly-by when it peaks again... then lost interest until the return.

This is a problem. I'm thinking strictly in a capitalist, privately funded mindset right now. You should be able to make money off of this to offset the incredible expense of the operation. So... you need to do it "Truman Show" style. Have a television or internet station that's subscription based and run it from launch until landing. Every moment inside this capsule of experimentation is captured and broadcast for all.

So how do you keep it interesting?

PORN STARS! PORN STARS TO MARS!

Sure, you can have your edited moments of tranquility for the network "what's going on out there" segments, but the goods are for people who pay. And really, hasn't the porn industry always been at the forefront of new entertainment technologies? This only seems logical to me.

Again, this seems like the only way to keep a project like this funded. I'll sign up for my subscription right after I go on the Lunar Craigslist and get my own Spaceballs: The Flamethrower.

Photo Credit: NASA (Gemini capsule pictured)