You’ll notice that headline sounds like a command. That’s because it is, in a way. If you’re at SXSW and want to help figure out humanity’s place in the coming uprising of autonomous cars, you really do need to come by the Great Jalopnik Throwdown March 14 at 6 pm, at the Hype Hotel.

You can just think of it as Mazda suddenly deciding to throw a party in your honor, and to make that party extra-special, they’ll provide food, booze, and gather up all the automotive personalities you’ve been desperately dreaming of talking about robotic cars with.

“What automotive personalities?”, you’re likely shouting right now, alarming everyone around you at the public library’s free internet terminals. Calm down, I’m about to tell you:

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There’s me, Jason Something Torchinsky, noted simpleton and lover of weird crap; there’s Alex Roy, the baldest, dashingest Morgan 3-wheeler pilot ever to set transcontinental records; there’s Alissa Walker, our very own supervillian who will threaten all the cars we love; we have NASCAR car-pilot and the man you secretly wish you were Parker Kligerman, our own racer Stef Schrader, a woman remarkably uninterested in mid-’80s Fisher-Price soft products, and Gabe Klein, head of the transportation departments of Chicago and D.C. and a man I don’t actually know.

And, best of all our very own editor-in-chief and felony speeder Patrick George will be running things, and very likely will treat us to a live track from his yet-to-be-released spoken word album, Unsynchronized Love Gear.

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Holy crap, right? We’ll be discussing THE FUTURE, full of autonomous cars and robots and probably lasers and pizzas in pills and shiny jumpsuits and all that. Look, it’ll be great, the food and drinks are free, Uncle Mazda is footing the bill, and you’ll have a fascinating, great time.

RSVP us here if you’re coming so we can embroider your custom commemorative bathrobe (this is not a thing):

I can’t wait to see you. Come up and shake my hand or slap me, as you see fit. I probably have one of those coming.