There's two amazing geographic details to this story: first, it did not take place in Florida, and second, it did take place in Beaver County, PA which should make our audience of 9 year old boys pee themselves. The incident itself involves a car wreck, an inebriated woman, a lack of pants, and a bottle, pressed under some bare buttocks.

The Aliquippa woman is Justine King, she's 33, and she seems to have wrecked her car in a single-vehicle incident. When police arrived at the scene, King was found, sitting in the car, surrounded by deployed airbags, but with her pants retreated from their usual location encasing her legs, pelvis and ass, and instead puddled under her car's pedals. Also enjoying a 'beneath' position was an empty bottle of unspecified alcohol, which King was sitting on.

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The details of how or why King was sitting, pantsless on the bottle aren't clear. The bottle may have been in that intimate position for um, recreational purposes, maybe, or perhaps the placement was part of an aborted process to hide evidence of her consumption of the bottle's contents. The bottle, so far, has yet to release a statement, even though the event happened back on September 30.

King was unwilling to leave the car (or her seat on the bottle) willingly, forcing officers to remove her, pantsless, by force. Once placed in the squad car King, presumably still pant-free, kicked out the window frame. She continued to refuse pant-application while she resisted arrest, refused a drug test, and generally had an exciting evening.

And they say there are no more heroes in America.