Man Who Has Had Sex With 999 Cars Will Marry VW Beetle

Loving cars is one thing, making love to cars is very different. Edward Smith is a man who is sexually attracted to cars, which is a totally normal thing that I'm sure afflicts literally dozens of people. Well, he's found the car he loves most: A VW Beetle. I hear wedding bells!

He's a "mecaphile," (a.k.a. a Dragon) which is a person who has a proclivity towards sexual encounters with machines like cars, planes, and trains. Yep, super normal.

Smith has been the most iconic vehicular whore over the last 30 years, but he's finally decided to settle down with his VW Beetle, which he "holds in his arms" and apparently arouses him enough to marry it.

We make a lot of jokes about cars being "better than sex" and saying that we're "nursing a boner," but we're kidding. If Edward Smith says it about your car, run for the hills, he's about to have sex with it.

Hey, I'm gonna go throw up now. Enjoy.