Good news: Citroën, the French maker of forbidden fruit for us Americans, has revived the C6 nameplate for a new sedan. Bad news: unlike the last C6, which was weird and magical and smooth as hell to drive, this new car approaches Passat levels of boring.

You’d have to be a cold-hearted bastard not to love the old C6, the swoopy diesel V6 luxobarge with a ride quality that made a Rolls-Royce feel like a Fiat 500 Abarth. That car was incredible, and one of the last truly great weird Citroëns.

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This new C6 is none of those things. The automaker revived the nameplate for the Chinese market with a debut at the Beijing Motor Show, and this new C6 is as far from the bold, weird old C6 as you can get.

Ugh. What? No.

Come on, man!

That banging sound you’re hearing is my head falling into my keyboard after I fell asleep at my desk looking at this thing.

Looks nice enough inside, I guess. Not nearly as weird as it could be.

The new C6 is powered by some kind of engine. I don’t know because I don’t really give a shit. I’m going to pretend this didn’t happen.