If you live in the northeastern U.S., get ready. Old Man Winter has unleashed Winter Storm Niko, and Niko has just filled up a sock with snowballs with rocks at the center and is about to give the whole upper right corner of America a brutal, protracted beating. But that doesn’t mean you and your car have to just take it! You can still drive, if you follow some of our sage advice.

Honestly, the absolute best, safest advice to anyone considering driving in a nasty snowstorm is simple: don’t. It’s a mess out there. However, we understand that there’s all sorts of reasons why you may have to get out there and brave the weather in your car, so, if that’s the case, we’ve rounded up some of our most useful advice to help you out:

You’ve got to take care of your car, too.

Maybe even more important than going in the snow is stopping. Do you have ABS brakes? If so, read this.

You’ll be hearing all kinds of terrible advice. Hopefully, this will help clear things up.

Tires are incredibly important for winter driving. Don’t believe me? Here, let me show you, empirically, and with a tricycle.

Yes, clear the snow off your roof before you drive, dummy.

Who likes clever winter driving tips? You do!

Have a modern car? Is it full of sensors? They have to see, too!

This is always controversial, but here’s my take.

Even if you’re not driving, it’s fun to enjoy stories about those poor bastards who are.

Remember what I said about tires? It’s still true.

Maybe treat this one as a cautionary tale.

Okay, this one’s mostly goofy jokes.

I really do hope you can find something useful in all this, and I hope everyone stays safe—good luck in the storm!

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