Porsche understands that, for some people, it’s not enough to just drive a Porsche, because there’s times when you’re indoors, which is terrible, because then it’s hard to let everyone understand that you’re a Porsche owner. Luckily, a little mom-and-pop shop called Porsche Design is there to help, like with these $550 speakers that sort of look like a 911 GT3's exhausts.

Or maybe a pair of binoculars, or the face of one of the background robots from WALL-E.

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While you may think that these are just some Bluetooth speakers, you’d be so embarrassingly wrong, you miserable buffoon, because, clearly, this is the

The 911 Speaker: Music Meets Sports Car DNA

...according to the press release for the speakers. The press release continues, breathlessly:

Stuttgart. On the racetrack, the sound of the of the Porsche 911 GT3 exhaust system is unmistakable. So is the tailpipe cover of the sports car, which is equally distinctive and is now more than just a functional element – it’s also a design feature. Porsche Design has taken the imposing rear aspect of the 911 GT3 and used the original tailpipe cover as the main part of its new Bluetooth® 911 Speaker. The result: maximum power and sound, as impressive as the engine sound on the track. An absolute must-have for music and sports car enthusiasts.

I love how it starts with “Stuttgart.” Like you just woke up, in a pristine, white room, empty save for a vitrine containing these speakers, and wondered where you were. Stuttgart, of course! The legendary home of the noted speaker-rebrander, Porsche!

Reading this line:

Porsche Design has taken the imposing rear aspect of the 911 GT3 and used the original tailpipe cover as the main part of its new Bluetooth® 911 Speaker.

You might think that, hey, they’re using the actual tailpipe surround as the speaker housing? That’s sort of cool, a little?

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But you’d be wrong, That’s not the tailpipe housing, it’s just some plastic trapezoid that sort of looks like the tailpipe housing, at least if you don’t actually look at the real tailpipe housing, which looks like this:

So, what we’re looking at here are a pair Bluetooth speakers selling for about five times what they’re worth because they sort of look like the exhaust pipes of a 911.

If nothing else, this should finally make it clear to everyone that the use of the concept of “DNA” by PR companies when talking about car-related things has now been killed, beaten, and urinated upon.