There’s been an increase in talk about the Porsche Panamera lately because we’re on the verge of its second-generation replacement. And, most of this talk is about two things: hope that this new one looks better, and lots of complaining about how ugly the current one is. Well, everybody, you’re all wrong: the Panamera is a good-looking car.
I’ve been hearing requests for eye-bleach and optical chasers of pictures of pretty cars from day one. This isn’t recent news. I’ve heard every pained analogy about the car’s ass looking like it had some sort of infected, failed, back-alley ass-implants. I know it’s called a bloated, mutated 911, and I’ve seen all the insane, overdone histrionics from people forced to look at the car.
A lot of these come from our very own staff, even. And you know what? I’m done with it. I don’t have any special interest in Porsche’s success or failure here, but I just don’t think the Panamera is a worthy target of all this drama-queen aesthetic bitching. It’s just not that ugly, people.
Is that just my opinion? You’re certainly free to have whatever opinion you want about the car, but let’s have some fun here and just say this: if you think the Panamera is so ugly that you can’t bear to look at it, you’re wrong. And weirdly squeamish. Get a grip.
It’s not the most beautiful car in the world, sure, but it’s not at all bad, either. I think it’s really quite striking, in a good way, not striking like hit in the face with a wad of old ham way.
Just look at it here: it’s substantial, yet sleek. It has presence, its fundamental design language is clean and crisp, the proportions are satisfying, and yes, I even like the ass. It manages to convey the concepts of both performance and luxury in a novel way, and, most importantly, it’s not boring.
The face and front end tie in well with a design language developed for a car that requires no grille, and an empty front end that could allow for a really low hood height – not an easy thing to accomplish in a water-cooled, front-engined car.
How many people, if they really dig deep and look far into their automotive souls, are repulsed by the Panamera just because it doesn’t fit the conventional three-box large luxury sport sedan they expect?
It’s the rear of the Panamera that tends to get the brunt of the revulsion, fake gagging sounds, and hatred, and that’s precisely where the Panamera differs most from its rivals like the BMW 7-series and the Mercedes-Benz S-Class. Is it really that much worse looking than either of these cars?
No. Fuck no. If anything, it’s more interesting, and less likely to be confused for a Kia or an Equus at a distance. The BMW is handsome, but a bit bland, and maybe a little fussy, the S-Class is okay, but a bit frumpy and dowdy, with a saggy trunk. I just can’t see how the Panamera is so much worse than either of these cars.
Plus, the humpbacked/big-assed large luxury/performance car has a long, rich history of fascinating cars. The Panamera’s profile progenitors prove pretty powerful (once I hit 3 P’s I had to keep going) and include cars like the Citroën DS and the Tatra T87. I love both those cars.
Plus, compare the Panamera’s much-maligned ass to the ass of one of the most aesthetically-praised cars ever, the Jaguar E-Type. They’re really not all that different, are they?
Sure, the Panamera’s is on a larger-scaled car, but I still maintain it works. It’s a practical hatch-ass, and yes it’s full and plump, but in a good way, I think. It’s like powerful animal haunches. It’s not ugly.