I know even typing the word “Florida” here will be seen as unnecessary, but in South Florida, a 59-year-old man stole a backhoe and took it on an hour-and-a-half joyride up and down a bridge, tossing boulders and scraping the road surface, sending showers of beautiful sparks into the air.

The backhoe-pilot was Carl Blahnik, a man without a single, solitary fuck to donate, it seems. One report suggests Blahnick was homeless, but did seem to have some experience driving a backhoe, with a Monroe County Sheriff’s Department spokesperson saying,

“He did pinpoint pivots on the bridge.”

Blahnik took the backhoe up and down 7 Mile Bridge, causing damage to the surface of the road and to the sides of the bridge.

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Of course, there’s some dashcam footage from one of the police cars involved in the chase. One police car suffered minor damage from the backhoe as well.

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Eventually, some spike strips put an end to the fun, and Blahnik was arrested and taken to a hospital.

Blahnik actually seemed to have some agenda for the whole joyride. According to the Sheriff’s department spokesperson, he took the backhoe because

“He apparently was saying something about people driving too fast. He wasn’t really too coherent.”

Not too coherent? I’m stunned. STUNNED. Still, I’m sure everyone learned a valuable lesson about driving at reasonable and prudent speeds. Fine work, sir!

(Thanks, Justin!)