Jalopnik
Yeah, yeah — you knew this was coming. But I think Jalopnik would have a real shot at winning. First of all, with Murilee and Bumbeck working the pits, you know our car would running like a Swiss clock. Sure, they may sneak a nitrous system into a fake battery, but so what? As for actually driving, I'm sure between all of us we could come up with a pretty mean team. Actually, Wes says we hear Wes is quite capable. And how could you not love a race car driver named Spin? But what are we driving? Obviously an El Camino comes to mind. As does a Starion. However, those are simply too obvious. No, we need you to put on your hoon-hats and do some serious pondering. Think DAF (Turbo-Twin FTW!). Or Ekranoplan. Or better yet, the Tumbler. As many have pointed out, whatever the actual car is, it will need to be Camino'd. And since we can't figure out how one would Camino an Ekranoplan, what about an RS4 Avantamino? Lord, that would be sweet. I'm shutting up. Your turn.
What's The Jalopnik 24 Hours of LeMons Car?
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12:00 PM on Tue Oct 23 2007
By Jonny Lieberman
2,351 views
109 comments
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Enzo powered DAF-amino. Duh.
Cyclops. Any year.
VW Bug Camper. Sure, it won't win, but it'll turn some heads.
Any sympathetic Autobot. Failing that, some straight-six Toyota.
A Chrysler Sebring convertible. 1998
At a very reasonable price to you..
As the DAF in the pic comes with its own toilet (and twin 400-litre fuel tanks) you can send the pit crew home and run non-stop the whole weekend.
Late 80's VW GTI...time to get out the sawzall for the el caminofication.
Someone please photochop an RS4 Avantamino!
A supercharged LS1-powered Dodge Omni-amino.
1948 Tatraplanamino. Leave the stock dual carb 1952cc motor in it so you honestly say, "yeah, it's got a Hemi".
It's very aerodynamic, seats 6 (gotta keep it real with a riding mechanic) and has a cool banjo-style steering wheel you can install in the Starlet after the big win.
A Trabant amino. With the hidden bottle to be used when the green flag drops.
Once you're out in front,The clouds of oily blue smoke would confuse and sicken the other drivers giving you the win.
A Toyota Cressida. They are RWD tanks that can take the abuse. A shrunken Checker Marathon.
@Dr. Spaceman: ...and race in reverse, of course.
No matter what, however, short of a DAF Turbo Twin, Jalopnik needs to enter something and obscure with the back cut off to form a camino/-chero. It's only right. Poor parts availability on any continent is a plus, as is a convoluted drivetrain. I'm thinking some manner of Citroen-amino. The $500 budget might go all to hell, but if you're docked less than 350 laps, you'll be ok.
hmmm...Dekotora? Matador? You know, in case you don't want to win with the Tumbler, or Ironhide - the GMC TopKick from Transformers...
I had some other things in mind but they all went away as soon as I saw...
EKRANOPLAN! EKRANOPLAN!
Subaru BRAT. It comes pre-caminoed and full of quirky charm, not to mention The Beauty of All Wheel Drive (do they still use that line?).
I'm sure you could think of something good to put in the jump seats.
In 24 hours of LeMons ZIL 49061 drives Jalopnik.
I have a winner!
'61 Corvair 500 sedan... wit ha buy-it-now price of $1275.
replace its aircooled flat-6 with a 2.7L mill from Porsche,
Then Tape a Ralph Nader doll to the front bumper...
Its that or a Caterham7 project that some one just never got around to finishing...
your all thinking to hard..
subaru brat with a wrecked wrx drivetrain swap..
or a colt vistamino with 4g63 super potential.
or hell.. jeep cherokee.. with the back hacked off..
if you cut the corners a bit.. MEH.. it's a jeep.. if you run over a few CRX's.. MEH.. it's a jeep.. extra points for running a locker out back and home built solid steel push bar bumper up front.. just don't go with the peugot 5sp tranny.. ugggh.
it's light.. it's sturdy.. it came AWD.. and good luck trying to kill it..
solid axle iron I6 FTW..
Is that a toilet in front of the DAF in the photo?
'76 Aspen w/ slant 6.
Sorry, '76 Aspenamino w/ slant 6.
Hearseamino...I shall now sit back and dream of the -amino goodness that is the Hearseamino. Give a new definition to open-casket.
@tbennett017: Yeah, and the guy the DAF backed over while squatting over it is lying in the left of the pic...
Looks like he got 2000 Flushes on his jacket...
[upload.wikimedia.org]
Actually, I was going to say we needed an invincible Toyota Hilux. Doesn't matter what engine. It will last longer than any other vehicle out there.
Can't we just call in our car industry favours and get a 935 Moby Dick? We can paint it rusty brown to fool everyone. That way, we're not relying on my spintastic driving abilities.
wes
Looking realistically, I went to eBay Motors' search-Buy It Now and set the price limit at 500... this looks like the best option (no pictures unfortunately, but hey-Proteges have been legitimate race cars....)
[cgi.ebay.com]
Who bought the DAF auto range, and therefore carries on the spirit of rubber band drive? Volvo.
What car can not physically be destroyed? The Volvo 240.
So this looks good: [chicago.craigslist.org]
Also, brakes are a safety item, so fixing them does not count on the expenditure limits.
Mil spec Vietnam war jeep with canon.
You could go the other direction and make an El Camino shooting brake.
...a Jalopy?
Mere suggestions:
Rotary DAF-amino.
Autobianchi A112-amino with Saab 2-stroker.
That 70s Monte Carlo with the Rolls Royce appearance package.
1960s Mazda Carol with mid/rear mount SBC.
Porsche 914 Inverse-amino (just picture it).
@SeanKHotay: How about that Aspenamino with several live Aspen trees in the back? Should lighten up manual rack a little.
@MagicalTrevor: I got a hot prospect locally. [seattle.craigslist.org]
It meets two important Jalop criteria: its a wagon (and therefore easily Caminioed) and its cheap (free, actually).
Plus, its already a RACE CAR, and has its own number and everything. Goooo #88!
I've e-mailed the person offering this fine motorcar and breathlessly await her meth-addled white trailer trash reply!
how about my in-laws Volvo 740 sedan? It's grey, its square, its been taking up space in their driveway for years and its FREE!! Plus it comes with free support of Hanzel Auto Body Works and their 1952 Ford F3 Towtruck (still in use today). Wert, Murilee, Jonny, just give me the word and I'll get the DMV transfer papers inorder.
80's 240 volvamino
Fiat Bravamino with a turbo'd Ducati 999 motor. No low-end power whatsoever, but once keep the revs up and nothing could touch you.
Murilee's Econoline Dekotora
Its starting to look like a volvo, no? Big article in the latest Grass Roots Motorsports on using a Volvo in the race... btw.
Keeping the $500 budget in mind (maybe), a Buick Regal T-Type with a junkyeard DSM turbo and intercooler. Cover it in ghetto-rific Polizei homage livery, and mount Murilee's Turbo 2 boombox on the roof, blasting a mashup of Zen Arcade and the audio from Wert's many television appearances. Oh yeah, and Hello Kitty wheels.
And of course, the driving suit would be supplied by Snorg Tees.
Tucker Torpedomeno.
Checker-amino, F22C motor.
Here's the logic: Take a gigantic heavy american car with a giant hole for the engine. Then put a tiny engine in it. Reinforce the entire thing to make it bomb-proof. Include the radiator in the bomb-proofing. Put a tiny engine cube in the hole.
How about that hoonarific Volvo Amazon that made Sleeper of the Day a couple weeks back?
[jalopnik.com]
@lascauxcaveman: it is her son's fathers...BABY MOMMA!
The Volvo 240 is not a bad suggestion! There was also an '85 Celica locally that would make an excellent lemon. Also an '85 MR2.
DAF/FAF/Citroen? Y'all are smokin' crack.
I say 1992 Buick Roadmaster Wagon, caminoized, with a junkyard turbo on the 350 v8. Hand-made 1.5" sway bars to give you loads of oversteer. I have the car lined up so it's just a question of prep work.
Won't be an aythingmino or, i suspect, a rotary, but it will be fast and unfeasibly cool. So I'm split between
'76 Rolls Silver Shadow,
'86 Peugeot 505GTI.
A platform car(Tumbler w/pick up bed), you know for those pesky zero radius turns... just hope you don't check(bat) the guy behind you off the track. And o yeah, an ejection seat for you know "safety".
Enzo motored Tatra-mino
Check out this $500 SE-R apparently in running condition!
[newyork.craigslist.org]
@dculberson: Damn, boy. You are on top of this thing.
Also, we could always use your ambulance if the Roadmasteramino proved too much work. A vintage Ponitac meatwagon would be pretty much a shoo-in for the peoples' choice award.
For more fun with Brats (in the Bay Area, no less), see here:
[sfbay.craigslist.org]
Get the one with the blown engine for super-cheap. Drop in another subie engine, or maybe a Porsche flat 6 for weirdness points.
Also, here's another one (a '72 Mercedes) which may or may not be a good candidate for the LeMons race, but has the BEST photo I've ever seen in a craiglist car ad.
Pure Dada. [seattle.craigslist.org]
@lascauxcaveman: Here we have the mercedes in its native habitat.. care must be used when approaching these in the wild, as they are renowned for biting your wallet and refusing to let go.
@lascauxcaveman: That would be a blast until the first new damage, then I would cry through the rest of the race... :'-(
@lascauxcaveman: "I will cut away the bushes when you buy it."
There is nothing that can be added to that sentence.