Jalopnik
Only from the mind of a married man. Well, that's not totally fair, as a large number of Jalops spend way too much some time reading our sister site, Jezebel. Though not as much as Al, apparently. Still, as we're letting Al Navarro take over the QOTD for a couple of days, we have to take what he gives. Al's question is thus:
You've just won a date with One D at a Time author and Jezebel co-editorA tough one indeed.
"Slut Machine" Tracie Egan...what car do you borrow to take her out in?
Since "doing it" is all but assured (hey, she's the one who calls herself "Slut Machine") something flashy ain't the ticket. We're thinking big and red. Something fast. A convertible. Yet with a trunk big enough for two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls. Hell, who even needs Tracie at that point? But maybe that's just us. You?
Comments
Heh, maybe y'all shouldn't have kicked all the four door cars out of the JFG. Maybe the Rambo Lambo would work then....
Has Lindsey's SL65 sold yet?
Why take a car when I can just drive her?
@POLAR: Oh, this is not going to go well.
Kurt Russel's Dodge Charger from the movie Death Proof, or the Nova. Either one works. No possibility of road "pleasure" in the Nova with the roll cage and plexiglass though...
@POLAR: Hmm, that's a good way to get yourself added to a list of potential executions. At least make your sexism artful or witty. I mean, come on.
Exelero.
Next question.
Is that a Gen 3 Camry Coupe? Classy :)
She's riding in my '70 E-Type. No doubt.
'83 Country Squire
The V8 Interceptor from The Road Warrior (the one with the external gas tanks and booby traps).
997 Turbo convertible and the keys to someone's beach house.
If her name is supposed to imply that she's rather promiscuous to begin with then at least I won't have to drive something yellow.
A tandem bicycle, to ensure she likes me for me, not my money.
@DokterDitka: Polar, this is how it's done.
@Ray Wert: Well with a name like Slut Machine, I figured I could pass on trying to be witty and just go for the gold! All in good fun big guy, no execution necessary. I'm breezy!
A DAF 600 because I have nothing to prove.
Easy, a hearse, laying down in the back is where she belongs.
Okay, how 'bout a Mister Softie Ice Cream truck.
An M35A2-lots of room in the bed for……activities and toe-down rings for the …….errr….cargo. Plus if you leave the engine running, no one will hear the screams.
'66 E-Type.
damm, tie down, not toe down.
The Noam Chomsky van, assuming it has a hopped up SBC and mood lighting/mirrors over the (water?)bed.
A Uni(mog) to get to that nice, cozy cabin
A Kenworth K-900 with condo sleeper.
OR, the true classy route: 1971 Ranchero with inflatable mattress in the bed.
That new Kia Fellatio.
...er, Borrego.
Sorry.
'69 Superbird
Borrow? Are you kidding? Goth girls with questionable morals and a proclivity for needing to hide things in a trunk for a while or make a quick getaway is the reason I got an STI.
Well, one of the reasons.
I'm from New York: she'll get a subway ride to the bar, a taxi home at 4am, and she'll like it.
@clank-o-tron: Amen.
Easy: A '71 Dodge Valtrex
I just went to the [onedatatime.typepad.com] site for shits and giggles;
You're not gonna believe what they want you to do on the first date.
Citroen DS, bien sûr!
I would either shit my pants or be too scared to shit my pants if I had to entertain this girl. I wouldn't know what to do/say/where to go. Nothing. Any girl who incorporates ejaculating penises into her blog's logo is a girl I am not yet savvy enough for. Gimme six years. At that point I would pick her up in my hovercar. We should have those by then.
@jonnylieberman: Kudos on the HST reference.
Late 60's/early 70's Olds 98 convertible.
with tilt wheel.
heh.
I would pass and let Bill Maher, Bobby Brown and Ron Jeremy take her for a late supper to Camden or Southwest DC driving this van: [www.cardomain.com]
@clank-o-tron: Wait... a Subaru... or the other STI? Or both?
Just to show my money's where my mouth is: The Voisin C28.
@mytdawg: ..for more head room.
Drive? Why?
@Evander: Zing!
A jeep. Probably need the traction.
@DokterDitka: I concur... only I'd expand that to either a Chevy Kingswood or a Plymouth Sport Suburban, and they all have to have fake wood paneling..... to go with the real wood inside!
@LTDScott: It fits all the qualifications. Big trunk, big back seat, lots of room for her to stretch out in the front seat.
I actually have no illusion even a slut would do me but I do like them cars. I couldn't get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a truck load of bananas.
Nick Hogan's smashed up P***y Magnet.
A vintage rat rod, loud, with a big engine, and it shoots fire...
@Andrewpetty:
I was going to say that. I'd show up in my rusted Vauxhall Viva and pray to every deity I can think of that I survive the night with all the original bits I had when I left home. I can be a pretty raucous partier at times, I'm considered the drunken imbecile in my group of friends. But...
This girl makes me look like a lightweight, a nancyboy, and scares the crap outta me.
On a somewhat related note, I really like things that scare me / might kill me (Hence the shitbox Vauxhall Viva, that car has tried to murder me since I was twelve.)
@Ed D: The DS is far too dainty to take on a woman of this caliber.
This date calls for the Citroën Slut Machine, I mean... S&M... err... Citroën SM.
I hate to bust any bubbles, but girls who are publicly very sexual are often completely boring in bed, whereas "nice", shy girls are often freakazoids in bed. Oh, and I'm going with pedicab.
Honda Element. Something about hosing off the interior appeals to me.
F355 Spider while she does lines of coke off my manhood.
@PatFromGundo: At least you're consistent.