Jalopnik
It keeps happening. This time, a british man has been given probation after a "sexually aggravated breach of the peace" that involved him attempting to, ahem, mount his bike. According to the local police the man's cleaners found him "holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex." The man initially claimed that he had been drinking and there had been some sort of misunderstanding. Maybe the bike was teasing him?
Sheriff Colin Miller was the unlucky person stuck with having to give the quote to the press: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
Oh God! We think we knew what's happening to all those Rare Falcons. Where's Beowulf when you need him? [BBC News]
Comments
Dear dudes,
The penis is for the ladees. Not cars nor bikes.
Thank you much
uhhhhh im speachless
see i cant even type
There was "some sort of misunderstanding?"
You mean he thought the bike had consented?
Sorry to threadjack, and I don't mean that as a bad pun, but uber-hoon Evel Knievel has died.
If it was a vintage PK Ripper, I might understand.
"Hey, you lost your seat!"
If dragons have sex with cars, what kind of creature gets the hots for a bike? Geckos?
"Look Ma, no pants!"
This may turn out to be an unforeseen consequence of the increased CAFE standards as more and more dragons are forced into alternative modes of transportation.
I have such a haro-on right now.
emmm, he was in his own locked room... i'd like to think he was free to do what he wanted with the bike as long as he was causing no harm to others.
@Iron-Balls McGinty: Evil Knievel died a long time ago, his body finally caught up with the legend.
Schwinn low, sweet chariot ...
@camp6ell: Well, assuming the claims in the source article are true:
Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.
He could've maintained his privacy by telling the cleaners not to come in. He didn't, and they were harmed. Perhaps he wanted them to see him in the act.
@badco-fascism: Bicycle Innuendo!
Gives a new meaning to "riding the bike"
Perhaps this is just a misunderstanding. He was out of gear lube and was creating some the only way he knew how...
Even in Scotland, taking a sheep up to your room is frowned on. Maybe his bike had a sheepskin seat cover.
@Hyman Decent: or maybe he had kenny loggins blasting out his tape deck and couldn't hear them knocking
Old news, well, I suppose it's new news that he's been sentenced.
We've had all the jokes - pedalfile being the best one.
@camp6ell:
But the Schwinn wasn't even 12 years old!
Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humor? As the woman in the car says very matter-of-factly: "Well, next time, let's take the bikes please."
NSFW, btw.
[video.google.com]
Compared to Sandy Wong, this dude must be like a pederast or something. BMXs, dude.
Uh, what's an innertub?
@HDC: Our spelling skills only slightly inferior to our mad photoshop skillz
cue Queen's "Bicycle".
He went Schwing! for the Schwinn.
Wait a minute...seat tube, down tube, chain stays, head tube...heck even a cross tube...
Maybe there's something to this...
He must be a cyclo-path.
"Did you hear about ol' Bill down the way, apparently he's one o' those bi-sexuals."
"No, no, he's not a bi-sexual, he's a bike-sexual!"
If that bike was a president, it'd be Bike-raham Lincoln.
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