• How many times have we told you, people? Stop running into cop cars when you're drunk. [ABC News Australia]
• And police officers, come on — there's no reason to get angry and go after pedestrians. We don't care who keeps hitting you. [The State]
• Talk about a bad day — first you're hit by a car, and then you're slapped with a DUI. Wait, here's a good question — which caused which? [Contra Costa Times]
• 47,600 go on take the money and run. [Freep]
• Incentive Gossip! [Detroit News]

• Yes, Michigan — Dow Chemical's legacy will live forever. [Saginaw News]