Jalopnik
Here it is, folks, the long-awaited sequel to Audi R8, Part 1! Some rumors have been making the rounds among our more conspiratorially-minded readers that the long delay was due to my imprisonment at an Audi-run rendition facility at an unnamed Eastern European location, on the orders of Audi brass enraged by my mentioning a '92 Honda Civic in the same breath as their übercar. Not true! The reality is less exciting (and more lame) than that: I just haven't had time to finish the damn thing. OK? Right, now let's head over to Infineon Raceway!
See, Audi has this swank setup at The Racetrack Formerly Known As Sears Point; it's all part of their Audi Driving Experience program, in which Audi owners get to hoon it up on the track under the supervision of pro drivers. As a certified Doctor of Automotive Journalism, I was permitted entrance to the sacred confines of Audi Driving Experience HQ...
...where they have this eat-off-the-floor-clean garage full of European-spec Audi machinery, all powered by variations of the godly Audi V8.
They had all the little details covered for me and the rest of the journalists at the track, from the Audi-branded sunscreen and tins of M&Ms...
...to "carbon fiber" Audi-branded bottled water. And that brings up an observation about the Audi PR operation that I think is relevant here:
When we got to our hotel rooms the night before track day, each of us got a USB flashdrive full of a bunch of images and specs of the cars that we could use when writing our stories. That was nice and all, but what if a journalist had a laptop with only a couple of USB ports, and both were needed for other devices? Why, that journalist would have to unplug his or her mouse or whatever to plug in the Audi flashdrive, resulting in an unacceptable inconvenience. So what they did was give each of us a 4-port USB hub (Audi-branded, natch). The super-competent Audi handlers had this kind of attention to detail right down the line, too, prompting me to think that if their engineering and manufacturing operations have their shit wired anywhere near as tight as their PR squads, their cars must be well-built indeed. Clever, those Audistas.
We got a quick lecture about the dos and don'ts of the Infineon track from one of the Audi pro drivers.
And then it was time to go make some V8 noise at the track. Listen to that! Yet the engine sound inside the R8 is quite muted; your tax-attorney R8 buyer doesn't want to have noise interfering with his important phone calls while driving, you know. However, the official Jalopnik Point-O-View™ on the subject is that an engine that sounds this good outside the car needs to be all snarly and loud inside the car as well.
All right, rant over (but if I ever buy an R8, the sound insulation is coming out and Cherry Bombs are going in). Audi's pro drivers had a fleet of RS4s, which they used to pace us around the track and make sure no hoon journalist was going to stuff a $130,000 car into a wall. The pros were very polite Germans, full of helpful pointers about the cars and the track. They didn't even lose their cool when one journalist (who shall be left mercifully unnamed) spun an R8 into the weeds and missed a wall by a foot.
So, driving the R8 already! What's it like? The day before, Gizmodo editor Brian Lam and I had taken an R8 for a little drive in the twisty mountain roads near the Wine Country resort at which Audi was putting up the journalists for the event. Sadly, we spent most of our drive stuck in construction zones, creeping along at an average speed of roughly 11 MPH and feverishly searching the sound system's SD memory cards for tolerable music. But we did manage to do a little bit of enthusiastic country-road driving, during which I learned the following:
- The R8's brakes can apply sufficient negative Gs to separate your retinas.
- You need those brakes, because the R8 is so effective at shielding you from engine noise and road imperfections that you will often be going much, much faster than you think when you're getting into the groove of driving a curvy mountain road. You're not isolated from the road, since you can feel what the car is doing well enough, but a glance at the speedometer can give you a quite an "Oh, shit!" moment.
- Audi's all-wheel-drive and stability-control systems are pretty good at keeping your R8 out of a ditch when even those amazing brakes aren't enough.
- I'm not a good enough driver to get anywhere within shouting range of the R8's handling limits- and I wasn't going to try to push the car really hard on a public road, anyway - but the thing sticks to real-world potholed asphalt in a zero-drama manner that makes me suspect Audi has harnessed quantum physics and installed a device that takes advantage of the Strong Nuclear Force to hold the car down.
- Don't put the R-Tronic automatic transmission into full-auto mode when you have to do any sort of driving requiring stopping and starting. In fact, don't buy the R-Tronic in the first place.
- The R8 doesn't attract anywhere near as much attention on the road as you might think.
Now let's return to Sears Point, where I didn't have to worry about killing innocent bystanders if my racetrack n00bness became an issue. Here's where it might be helpful to know that all my previous racetrack experience is confined to dragstrips; while I've driven plenty of Detroit beasts with more V8 power and worse brakes than the R8 and never done anything worse than break parts, the sum total of my knowledge about driving on racetracks that aren't straight lines is "don't brake in the turns" and "don't hit stuff." But I figured, hey, might as well start with Sears Point (er, Infineon), right? And I'm driving an AMC (Ain't My Car) here, so: yeehaw!
We had a dozen or so journalists and only a few R8s, so those who didn't throw vicious enough elbows on their way to the cars had to settle for RS4s and S5s their first time out. Thus, my first taste of behind-the-wheel Infineon action came courtesy of an RS4.That was fine with me, though- I figured the RS4 couldn't be anywhere near as nuts as the R8, so a couple laps in one will be good practice. But the RS4 has pretty much the same godlike V8 as the R8 and turns out to be much more of a handful on the track (it also sounds just as good, as the video above should illustrate). I just dumped the clutch and slammed through the gears uphill to the first sharp turn... at which point all the Quattro and stability control in the world couldn't keep the car pointed in the direction I had in mind. Figuring that was nothing more throttle couldn't solve, I hooned my way around the track for a highly dramatic- but embarrassingly slow- lap, brakes pouring smoke from the stability-control computer's frantic attempts to keep things sane. At that point I suspect the Germans weren't too enthusiastic about the idea of letting me behind the wheel of their flagship car.
Thing was, Audi's 4.2 liter V8- did I mention that it is God in mechanical form?- is just so damn intoxicating when you don't have to worry about getting T-boned by cross traffic or busted by John Law, and I just didn't care that the car was sliding all over the place and the other journalists were running way faster laps then I was. I just wanted to rev the piss out of it, all the way up to the absurd 8,250 RPM redline, and then get to the next spot on the track that would allow me to rev the piss out of it again.
Luckily for Audi, before I went and set the speed record for an R8 sliding on its roof, I had the chance to learn what the hell to do on a racetrack. That's because one of the other journalists was Jack Baruth, who was there to review the Audis for Dubspeed (check out his recent S5 article here), and he was kind enough to sacrifice many precious laps of solo driving in order to give me a crash course in proper driving technique. You might also know Mr. Baruth as our own ViergangFuchs, and he holds the most important trophy in all of motorsport: Winner of the 24 Hours of LeMons! Yes, he was a member of Team Bernie's Revenge, driving a '86 Supra to the checkered flag at LeMons Detroit, and thus the ideal choice for Jalopnik-approved driving lessons (it didn't hurt that he's an extremely patient instructor, in stark contrast to my high school driving instructor, "Coach Bob," whose technique involved screaming, shoulder punches, references to the necklace of human finger joints he'd brought back from Khe Sanh, and a twin-brake-pedal-equipped VW Rabbit). Since the R8s and RS4s were in most demand by the journalists, we used the S5 for my lessons.The Code of Conduct to which I must adhere as a Doctor of Automotive Journalism forbids me from showing video of how slow I was at first; plenty of tire-charring drama and noise, but little speed. Once I started keeping my hands correctly positioned on the wheel and stopped worrying about blowing up the engine, Jack was able to concentrate on teaching me some fundamentals of throttle technique, the best way to deal with each of Infineon's turns, and so on. Above is a video showing Jack's low-key teaching style.
Then Jack took an R8 out for a few laps with me riding shotgun, at which point I understood the point of the big brakes, midengine setup, frame made from alloys containing lots of weird isotope numbers, etc. In the hands of a seriously skilled driver, the R8 goes where it's supposed to, doesn't do anything homicidal when it starts to lose its grip, and manages to get all its power from engine to road without excess theatrics. You just, well, go really fast.
Finally, it was my turn to drive the beast around the track. But... it really isn't a beast (well, at least not with the stability control turned on). The engine makes so much power over such a wide RPM range that you don't really have to shift much, the brakes will save your ass when you're approaching a turn like Old 97 in full panic mode, and when it starts to slide it does so in a predictable- and controllable- manner. When you get on the throttle, the engine seems to pull as hard at 80 as it did at 30. The seat holds you firmly in place and all the controls are where they ought to be and the whole experience feels so well-engineered.
And all that brings me back to my main complaint about the R8: it's an amazing example of the heights great engineers can reach with their work... but it's just not crazy enough. If I had R8 money for a car, would I buy one? No... but I might take that money and buy two S5s. Come back later, when I finally get around to writing the next review, and I'll tell you why.
Comments
You should have had Mr. Baruth take a lap in your Civic to get the full Lemons experience.
Finally!
Damn it Murilee... it's about time you published the second part!
Most excellent! Now we just have to wait for the third part...
And I thought all that lotion was so you can rub one out before you mess up the interior driving that car as fast as you can.
I find it interesting and slightly amazing/distressing that someone with Murilee's automotive knowledge base and mechanical facility is not more of an intuitively hot-shoe driver.
---
Attention Ray W, new commander of the Jalop budget:
Buy this:
[www.filmtools.com]
And this:
[chasecam.com]
for the team....they'll help eliminate the shakycam effect.
I used the former to shoot this: [www.youtube.com]
Ack, it's like watching Lost, the questions never get fully answered.
I was planning on tuning in again anyhow, you don't have to keep me hooked.
Hmmm...QOTD: RS4 or R8?
CARGASM! Sticky keyboard. Not much work gonna get done around here today.
Excellent multimedia review. Getting stuck in a construction zone behind a 25-year old Dodge van leaking fuel is a true test of Bruce. And of course the R8 passed with flying colors. Well worth the wait.
@ MAD_SCIENCE: That may be the quintessential QOTD--car some of us here might actually be able to afford vs. car most of us here can't afford.
Sending Mrs. Martin on this assignment was a fantastic editorial decision. I've enjoyed this review tremendously. Kudos.
@burglar: Heh, my friend calls Lost the handjob of TV dramas. Could this be the handjob of automotive journalism?
Now I know what the Audi lotion is for.
@TheAstronot wins one internets.
It's going to take awhile to process all this --I'm still going back to the gift swag!
But this much is painfully obvious: Murilee you are one lucky sob. Can you feel all the waves of envy directed at you?
I have to say I had a vague, pit-of-the-stomach feeling this was going to be the case. Not quite crazy enough. And I get this feeling when I drive pretty much any Audi, up to and including the RS4.
Like, you know when you have really good sex, but you know it could have been better. There's just a certain something missing. An edge.
Maybe they just lack violence. Savagery. When a girl digs their nails in, that's what some other cars do.
Audi's are like BMWs, but without the pantyline tattoo.
That Audi attention to detail is legendary. I know a few people who work at the Ingolstadt HQ and they were telling me about all the things that were going on before the Frankfurt show. Things that regular people wouldn't even consider for a second were all given a lot of attention. Clearly it pays off and gets noticed.
@Rust-MyEnemy: Dude, you're on a roll today.
The R8 sounds like an amazing car, amazing in the same way as a 911 Turbo: an appliance for speed, grip, and braking.
But goddamn does it look good doing it.
Well Murilee, I'm happy to see that your stay in the Bulgarian special rendition facility has concluded. You can thank me, as no doubt it was the rabble-rousing, so coarsely referred to as "conspiratorially-minded," that led Audi AG to quietly end that punishment. I mean, sure, they could have quietly "disappeared" me, but that might have become messy. And we wouldn't want those garage floors to get stained, now would we?
I should note that part 2 is quite rah-rah Audi. Part of the terms of your release?
a true moment of bliss for my afternoon
a big man in a tropical shirt with a full face race helmet hooning about in a german supercar
your like the stigs cousin from guam
In all seriousness, nice follow-up, and i'm glad to see it.
I went to the profoundly bad Boston auto show over the weekend, and arranged test-flogging of the 135i, 335i and 335xi, because I am still wary of RWD in this sector, despite recent Jalop discussion. And yet I was drawn to the S5 over Audi way. OOOOOOhhh, that's a nice ride. If the 4.2 V8 in that rig can be re-tuned to pound out the 420HP of the RS4 and R8 (S5 is set for 354HP stock), I would be Very Interested.
Murilee: please write everything from now on. kthxbai
@R-GTI:
Did you see Alex Roy there on his book tour?
Murilee's being modest, of course; he did very well and threw down some very decent times. In the S5, he was as good as a lot of the journos in the RS4 and R8.
I don't know beans about track driving, but I envy you this junket, even if it were only the Audi-branded swag you came away with. Then again, how often does someone get the opportunity to drive $130K state-of-the-art German hardware (unless you're Paris Hilton or her BFF)...?
As always, Murilee, a well-written and entertaining read!
That little tin of M&M's... That the same tin a local so-cal cannabis club uses.
@Al Navarro: In fact, that was what drew me to the show in the first place. But I went first thing in the AM and the M5 was nowhere to be found. Nor the shiny bald head of Roy (I can say that, I too have a shiny bald head). The girlfriend and I had a well-scheduled saturday, and left after an hour or so. The show left me disappointed in so many ways ("no, sir, the concept vehicles are still in LA," "the W12 GTI is not available to this show, I'm sorry," "the Evo X is not travelling to this show"), that we just gave up rather quickly.
@R-GTI:
You know what would be amazing? If the Jalop somehow wangled a Jalop-reader/commenter exclusive book signing session with Herr Roy. Might have to be in NYC, but still...I think they'd get a lot of action on that.
@R-GTI: Every year, I think about going to the Buffalo auto show, but I think that would actually be worse than your experience. No one cares about Buffalo.
That, and the Buffalo convention center is in a shady neighborhood.
@Al Navarro: Hey, guess who's going to be in NY/NJ for the holidays! Herr Roy? any interest? I sure would like to peek around the schwag in that Mahattan Automobile Club garage.
Man, I've been waiting for this! Although I was hoping for some sideways tire smoking action, but hearing the flyby's is good enough for me.
@Rust-MyEnemy: maybe you need to try it with a man next time?
@Al Navarro: it would be amazing for you... you'd have him all to yourself!
murilee, are you the stig?
and, how gimpy did you feel taking that picture in the classroom?
@viergangfuchs: It was weird how the other journalists turned up their noses at the S5... that thing is fast!
You could have used more of the track there, Murilee ;) Did it feel better to you than drag racing? Did it make you think about getting a car that handles? Do you now have a need to do another track day? Just curious if you are going to make "the switch" or not. Great proletarian review, BTW.
Nice writeup. It's good to see an R8 review from 'one of us' if you know what I mean. More car write ups from Murilee please!
@camp6ell:
Do you think no one from here would be interested in meeting Roy or that geographically I might be one of the only ones able to make it?
Surely the former. I just finished the book this AM, great read.
@Al Navarro: the former - and i work not a kick in the pants away from the dream garage whateveritis. hail to the new jalopnik editor - no more stories of paris-hiltonesque-banality!
@Al Navarro:
I would suggest using the services from www.racedv.com
That equipment eliminates shaky video and adds graphical data. Might make more sense for Audi to have the cars prepared with our equipment to begin with. That way every journalist will get their own video.
Disclaimer - I own the company.
@R-GTI: A well scheduled Saturday? Going to go to Home Depot? Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time...
But seriously, folks
Nicely written review, Murilee, though the final paragraph only further convinces me that someone needs to send an R8 to MTM; THAT would be a berserk machine.
Anxiously awaiting pt. 3
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