Jalopnik
Sometimes we propose a car for our Fantasy Garage because of its overwhelming, world-scorching performance. Other times a car gets the nod on the strength of its engine. Or historical significance. Or fond teenage memories. Or maybe just because it is so damn pretty. And in the case of last week's Ford GT, all of the above. This week's nominee, the Citroen SM, is picked on the strength of its owners. Yeah, exactly, its owners. Brezhnev had an SM. As did both Cheech and Chong. Leno still has one. Idi Amin had seven, while the Shah of Iran had but one. So did Lee Majors, Johan Cruyff, Graham Greene and Mike Hailwood. No less a man than Lorne Greene drove a Citroen SM. Still not impressed? What if I told you that His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God drove an SM? That's what I thought. Though, I hope I had you at Idi Amin.
Luckily, for you non-believers, there's a hell of a lot more to the SM than just a litany of celebrity owners. The name stood for "Sport Maserati" (or, en Francais, "systeme Maserati"). This is so because Citroen had purchased the (until recently) beleaguered Italian brand in 1968. Under the SM's extra-sturdy aircraft-aluminum hood sits the 2.7-liter (later a 3.0-liter), four-cam V6 out of the Maserati Merak. Sporting up to 180 horses the SM was able to achieve 0-60 times in the mid 8 second range. Not muscle car fast, but quick enough to keep up with the Joneses of the day, i.e. Aston Martin, Jaguar and Mercedes. Much more impressively, the SM could cruise all day at 140 mph. Let me stress the "all day" part. As Alex Roy related to Davey, his father's OG Cannonball buddy suggested that the SM might just be the car to break the transcontinental record in. Of course, we concur. In point of fact, the SM might just be the greatest GT car of them all.
And why is Citroen's 70s supercar such a brilliant long distance runner? Two words: DIRAVI. Which stands for "DIRection A Rappel AsserVI." What it means is that for five years the engineers at Citroen had been trying to figure out the trick to high-horsepower front-wheel-drive cars. The solution partly turned out to be the world's first variable-assist power steering unit, which offered plenty of assist at low speeds, and essentially none on the highway.
Uglier Four-Headlight American Version. Those Green Balls Are The All Important Hydropneumatic Spheres
What was actually taking place was that the steering featured power-centering so that if you were to let go of the tiller – even when parked – the front wheels would straighten themselves. Unlike today's systems which actually provide assistance when you turn the wheel, the SM's VARIPOWER system only decreased the amount of locking pressure the centering cam was exerting. What's so fantastic about this setup is that the steering wheel is locked hydraulically from the wheels. Which means that potholes can't steer the car; only the driver can. And man, could the driver steer the car as it was just 2 turns lock to lock.
Kamm-Tailed SM Shooting-Brakes Were Very Successful Rally Cars
Also crucial to the SM's Grand Touring status was the hydropneumatic, self-leveling suspension system carried over from the DS. Let me attempt a quick primer. Gas can be compressed, fluid cannot be. Run off a central pump the hydropneumatic system makes use of height control valves to determine how much fluid to pump into the shocks. So, let's say you load up the trunk with several cases of wine. The suspension automatically (because the height control valve is activated) calls for more fluid and the rear is raised to the same height as the front. This is important not only for handling, but it maintains the vehicle's aerodynamic profile as well as the aim of the headlights. Most importantly, the system instantly reacts to road imperfections and adjusts the shocks accordingly. Which makes the SM (and really, all hydropneumatic Citroens) impossibly comfortable, even at high speeds. Most amazingly, the pump that creates enough hydraulic pressure to suspend an entire vehicle is the size of a stack of dimes.
The SM's brakes were run off the same hydraulic system and they featured a few neat tricks of their own. First off, the front brakes were mounted inboard, just like on an H1. This allowed for true center-line steering, a first for a wrong-wheel driver. Like the DS, instead of a brake pedal, one stopped the car by stepping on a zero-travel, mushroom brake button. Depending upon the intensity of your stomp, a specific amount of fluid was fed to the brakes. It sounds weird to our American ears, but to a Frenchman it was as natural as a mistress. And when Popular Science wrung out the SM, it recorded the shortest stopping distance of any car they had ever tested.
"The SM Was Born From Speed And Died With Speed." – Citroen
Even the headlights were hydraulic. No, really. Inside the beautiful glass nacelle sit no less than six headlights, all hydraulically mounted so that no matter what the body is up to (wide speed pumps or equivalent terrain can play havoc with the suspension) the lamps stay level. Even under heavy braking when the nose is diving. And two of the six turn with the wheel Tucker Torpedo-style. Which we so, so love. Sadly, US versions only came with four headlights. Rumor holds that the first SM to come to America showed up with a cracked headlight due to air pressure changes caused by the flight. The SM's lights were banned in the USA.
Obvioulsy, the SM was mega-advanced for its time. So much so that with the exception of the radio, nothing about the car seems out of date (though Davey's girlfriend exhorts that the SM "smells like the 70s"). In addition to all of the above, the SM sported rain-sensing wipers (which were also run off the hydraulic system), sodium- filled valves, optional carbon fiber wheels which weighed less than half as much as the standard steel units. Sadly for you junkyard rats, the composite wheels won't fit on any other car. We especially dig that the SM was designed to seat two men up front and two women in the back. It only smacks of misogyny outside of France.
Matched Luggage Was One Of The SM's Only Options. And Yes, They All Fit
And while, to again quote Mr. Davey G, the SM may in fact be "needlessly complex," no one can argue its sexy good looks. Designed by Robert Opron (who also designed the Renault Fuego), the SM is his masterpiece. Because of its narrower rear track, viewed from above, the hottest of all Citroens looks like a teardrop. The long, well-formed hood and large greenhouse give it classic E-type proportions – even though the front wheels are the driven ones. You may also notice that SM's sit fairly close to the tarmac. But that's an illusion. Once the engine is off, there is no pump to keep the shocks filled, so the SM floats to the ground. This aids egress and ingress. Turn the key and in about 30 seconds the SM raises itself up to its true height. The rear of the car is especially fantastic once raised. And who doesn't love the raised chrome mini-fins? Don't forget that you'll be swaddled up to your ascot in voluptuous leather while gripping an oval, single-spoke wheel and looking at oval dials.
The SM was sadly killed off in 1975 after a 5 year run and 12,920 cars produced due to a combination of oil crises and idiotic American bumper regulations. Citroen tried to replace their most-awesome-ever coupe with the CX, but the magic was just gone. Downsides? Were you to own one in a non-Fantasy Garage situation you would need a French mechanic for the hydraulics, an Italian mechanic for engine, a British mechanic for the transmission (it was sourced from Lotus) and an Irish bartender for the headaches. However, since our Fantasy mechanic is the best there is, the SM has no downsides. Therefore it is perfect. So if you vote against the SM, you're making baby Jesus cry.
Burt Reynolds Hooning An SM In The Longest Yard. Be Sure To Note The Mushroom Brake In Action
[The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage appears every Tuesday. Readers vote the cars in or out. The idea is that we'll have 50 cars in our Fantasy Farage, the world's greatest mechanic and endless wads of cash. Would you like to nominate a car for the Fantasy Garage? Write tips@jalopnik.com with the subject line "Fantasy."]
The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage, So Far: · RUF RT12 · Maserati Quattroporte Executive GT · 1978 Aston Martin V8 Vantage · Honda 1300 Coupe 9 · 1931 Daimler Double Six 50 Corsica Drophead Coupe · Ferrari 288 GTO · Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1 · 1970 Buick GSX 455 · First Generation BMW M Coupe · Bugatti Veyron 16.4 · Ford GT
Related:
En Fuego! Renault's Sporty Coupe; The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage [Internal]
Comments
I can't believe you'd put this in, but not the VW Phaeton.
If this car doesn't make it in, I'm going to call adult swim and have them cancel season three of The Venture Bros. Next, I will blow up the ocean. Then I'll start clubbing whatever baby seals are left. And then, well, I'm coming for you, heathens. To back the SM is to back true awesome in automotive engineering excellence. Lather, rinse, repeat.
@TPSreports:
This car is fabulously weird and French (redundant?), it's a shoo-in. The longitudinally mounted V6 sits behind a longitudinally mounted transaxle, so the engine is about 5 feet from the bumper.
While a Phaeton is a great car, it lacks that certain je ne sais quoi that puts this in.
Yes, yes, all kinds of yes! If this car doesn't make it in, the garage will have no soul. The only car more beautiful than the Goddess. A garage with so much Bruce needs a lady with a pretty smile to take the edge off. With money and mechanics no object, I'd rather drive one of these all day long than any other long-distance cruiser you could offer.
As this is a fantasy garage, make sure we get all six headlights.
When do we let the Stutz Blackhawk in?
Elvis Presley, Sammy Davis Jr., Evel Knievel, Robert Goulet, Larry Holmes, Willy Nelson, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Lucille Ball, Wilson Pickett, Billy Joel, Elton John, Paul McCartney, Al Pacino, Wayne Newton, and H.B. Halicki owned one.
Hey, that's the same red '67 GTX in the video at -2:28 and -1:36. I know Savannah's a small town and all, but come on!
I knew this day would come after the post about the car last week.
When I was little, someone (presumably a doctor) bought one of these and drove it around town. It was a beautiful car.
A few weeks back when I was home, I caught site of the Citreon sitting in the corner of a foreign car repair center looking like it was being parted out as salvage.
It was a sad day.
It gets in only if you include the luggage set.
I don't even think this comes to a matter of voting. It should receive an automatic pass solely because it hails from the prime of Citroen's "Quirky Era".
If I had to be totally honest, I'd rather see the CX in the garage (drum style gauges! bizarre cabin layout!), but I can't object to the more sporty SM.
I thought the Snorg girl was today's Fantasy Garage entry.
Also, as much as I love this car, you've nominated it for some of the wrong reasons. Brezhnev was a Stalinist and Idi Amin a genocidist. Can we leave them out of the fantasy garage? K, thx.
@TPSreports: Look at the damn thing! The Phaeton has luxury, beauty, a certain Q shipness about it, but it has nothing on the crazy fantabulous bizzaro beauty of the SM.
Hell, the windshield and wheel covers alone should get it in to the garage.
For those of you wanting to vote "No," look at that first picture of the profile of the SM again. If you still vote "no" then I know you are the sort to whom I can take puppies and kittens to be slaughtered, because you sir, have no soul.
I love this car.
For a fantasy garage, of course.
Does anybody know what the green playballs under the hood are for?
I like it. But if Idi Amin had seven Tauruses, would they make it in the fantasy garage? No.
While, it is a marvel to be sure, just not my fantasy.
@MeatFarley: Thats a hell yes on the Stutz
There were a few in the flesh at Carlisle. That engine is really really way back there.
"We especially dig that the SM was designed to seat two men up front and two women in the back. It only smacks of misogyny outside of France."
I change my mind, thats a big solid YES. lol
@biminitwst: yeah, those are the Spheres which accept the hydraulic fluid -- essentially they are the top of the shocks. The two near the nose are presumably for the headlights.
See here
http://web.actwin.com/toaph/citroen/work/about.html
If I ever have the budget and free time to screw around with insanely complex hydraulic systems, I will own a SM or DS/ID.
If this doesn't get included, a DS better be in its place.
I still think the DS is a better looker, but the SM is probably the right choice for the Fantasy Gargage. Definitely a yes vote from me.
Who are the 14 who voted no?
A thousand times yes. Technical whiz-bangery aside, this is one of the most timelessly styled cars ever.
I wish you hadn't linked to that video of Burt hooning the SM, though. The destruction of cool cars for bad movies makes the baby Jesus cry*.
* See, e.g., Grindhouse; Risky Business; Hazzard, Dukes of; and, of course, Cobra.
@MeatFarley:
They say cars are a reflection of their owners, right? Well, all those Stutz owners that you listed were all about one thing: Show Business.
Seems to me that the SM appealed to more of a misunderstood infamous clientle, rather than the glittery famous hollywood types.
While a DS cabriolet would be the prettier choice, these things are seven types of awesome.
Maybe eight.
And there are still so many drving around France and parts of Germany, I'm really surprised that there were that few made.
ooh, brilliant choice. this has everything an fg car needs.
one cannot impugn idi amin's style choices either.
@markvictorarnold:
Lee Majors - Played a stunt man on TV.
H.B. Halicki - Wrote, directed, produced, and did his own stunts in movies.
Evel Knievel - EVEL KNIEVEL!
I rest my case.
Yeah I don't know about this one... If you are going for weird and French I think the DS is a better choice. Prettier and more classic. The SM is a bit too obscure and fantastically unreliable. The DS is stunning, has similarly advanced technology and was also driven by a list of luminaries. If ownership alone is a criteria look at Facel Vegas, which are waaaay cool. I like SMs but I have to say no. Maybe it's because I wasn't born in the 70s
It's a gonzo cool, sleek and innovative car. How could we not let it in? Though does voting for it preclude a DS cabriolet?
I'm heading to Europe later this summer and we recently nixed Germany and the VW Autostadt for France/Tour de France.
I'm seriously thinking I need replace the Autostadt with the French equiv - anyone been to a Peugeot or Citroen museum near Paris they can recommend?
The SM is one of my all-time favorite cars.
In regards to the CX: Erich Honecker had a CX limousine. Does this give it some kind of unstoppable Gallic-Commie-Bruceness?
@Teds: Vegas are on the short list, let me assure you.
@78TLC: There were SM cabriolets...
One of the few excellent examples of French industry.
too bad it's ugly as f##k
@osnofla: You misspelled "distinctively styled."
eltonito: A short train trip from Paris takes you to Brussels and the sort of amazing autoworld museum. Look it up.
also, Last time I was in Paris, the Peugeot and Citroen dealerships on the Champs Elysees (more like boutiques, than car dealerships) both had decent collections of previous models, and admission was free. Highly recommended. Both are in the main shopping areas of the CE, about a 5 minute walk between them. I bought a Peugeot 206 WRC shirt there that still gets pride of place in my well-stocked t-shirt drawer.
@jonnylieberman: Cabriolet? Now you're making it tough. This car is a balance of performance, elegance, and technical superiority, so if we're only to have one Citroen, it should be this one.
How do we review the current garage inventory?
I cry with joy every time I see one of these rare birds. These made the Avanti look like a toy car. In the early '80s I actually went to college with one of the daughters of the Citroen family; I had no clue then what a beauty her family created in cars. She wasn't bad either. The SM is a masterpiece of perfectly pointless overengineering; thumbs up for a great choice in the garage. If there is ever a video of one on the 'Ring or Sears Point, I'd love to know about it...
Mr. Lieberman, you actually had me at Cheech & Chong, but seeing that kammback rally machine, as well as the insane innovations that went into the SM, sealed the deal. Yes, yes, total yes on the SM.
@dearyou:
Thanks for the info. I Googled and found that Citroen announced last fall they were opening a free museum covering their past, current and future cars on the C-E. I'm now trying to find more info on that.
Anyone voting no is clearly under the age of 14 and living in a basement bedroom plastered with posters of the Enzo.
@jonnylieberman:
Vegas are on the short list, let me assure you.
I'd missed Teds' earlier comment, and for a panicked moment I thought you meant one of these Vegas.
The SM is all kinds of awesome.
@78TLC: Just below the poll you will see "Jalopnik Fantasy Garage So Far"
You can always click on the tag for "Jalopnik Fantasy Garage"
Or, google it.
@Teds: "obscure and fantastically unreliable" - that keeps the Fantasy in Fantasy Garage.
+1 on the Shooting Brake. Nice.
DS cabriolet is a better choice, but Andre Citroen deserves a place in your oily empyrion.